Start of the Day & Etiquette of going to the bathroom...

www.Quran.com   O mankind! We created you from a single pair of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other not that you may despise each other. Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allaah is he who is the most righteous amongst you. And Allaah has full knowledge and is well acquainted with all things.   The Qur'aan 49:13   Etiquette of going to the bathroom You may say that this is a strange topic to be writing about. However, we all visit the bathroom and as we know, it is a place of filth where we relieve ourselves of the filth in our bodies. Have we ever stopped to think what the Islaamic etiquette is to visit the bathroom or has it become an automated everyday action? We must be aware that this beautiful religion has even instructed us on how to clean after relieving ourselves. Just observe the greatness of Islaam that nothing, major or minor, has been left out. At the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him),when one of the polytheists said to Salman Al-Farsi mockingly, "Your Prophet has taught you everything, even how to defecate!" Salman replied with pride, "Yes, indeed! He forbade us to face the Qiblah when urinating or defecating." (Al-Tirmidhi, no. 16) Therefore, we should know that this is not a matter of shame, but something we should be proud of. Below are some points are listed that we should remember when visiting the bathroom. 1. Always enter with the left leg and recite the du'a: "Allahumma innee a'oodhu bika minal-Khubthi wal-Khabaa'ith" (O Allah! I seek refuge in you from male and female noxious beings (devils or evil Jinn)." 2. Don't face the Qiblah or show your back towards it. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "When any one of you sits down to answer the call of nature, he should not face the Qiblah or turn his back towards it." (Sahih Muslim, no. 389) 3. Allaah's name should not be mentioned in the toilet, nor should anything that has the name of Allaah on it be carried inside. 4. The person should do his/her best not to clean the private parts with the right hand. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "When any one of you answers the call of nature, he should not hold his private part in his right hand or clean it with his right hand; and (when drinking), he should not breathe into the vessel." (Al-Bukhari, no. 150) 5. The Sunnah is to answer the call of nature sitting, making oneself close to the ground, because this is more concealing and it will be less likely that filth will fall on one's body or clothes. 6. One should not talk while relieving as this has been classified as Makrooh (disliked) by many of scholars. 7. Many people today go into the toilet and start reading a newspaper or a book. It is common to find that people have even resorted to entering the toilet to get away from things and contemplate. This is not the place to do these things. May Allaah protect us from that. 8. When leaving you should go out with your right leg and say, "Ghufraanak" [I ask You (Allaah) for forgiveness]. Again, we should be thankful to Allaah that He has made the religion simple for us. Allaah has taught us how to protect ourselves from evil. Be sure that toilets are from among the evil and dirty places. Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah hav narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "These toilets are visited (by jinn), so when any one of you goes to the toilet, let him say, 'O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from evil and from the male and female devils.'" (Ibn Majah, authenticated by Al-Albani)

Why is a Man allowed to have more than One wife in Islaam?

In the name of Allaah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate   "May the Peace and Blessings of Allaah be Upon You"   Praise be to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.      Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu     Why is a Man allowed to have more than One wife in Islaam? i.e. why is Polygamy allowed in Islaam?     Answer: 1.  Definition of Polygamy   Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islaam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited. Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife? 2.  The Qur'aan is the only religious scripture in the world that says,"Marry only one".   The Qur'aan is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase marry only one¢. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one. Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.   In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one. Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (95% C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife. 3.  Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims   The report of the ¡Committee of The Status of Woman in Islaam¢, published in 1975 mentioned on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.   Let us now analyse why Islaam allows a man to have more than one wife. 4.  Qur'aan permits limited polygyny   As I mentioned earlier, Qur'aan is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ¡marry only one¢. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur'aan: "Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." [Al-Qur'aan 4:3]   Before the Qur'aan was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islaam put an upper limit of four wives. Islaam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them. In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says: "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur'aan 4:129]   Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife. Broadly, Islaam has five categories of Do's and Don'ts: ¡Fard¢ i.e. compulsory or obligatory ¡Mustahab¢ i.e. recommended or encouraged ¡Mubah¢ i.e. permissible or allowed ¡Makruh¢ i.e. not recommended or discouraged ¡Haraam¢ i.e. prohibited or forbidden Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife. 5.  Average life span of females is more than that of males   By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.   During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers. 6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide   India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.  7.  World female population is more than male population   In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.  8.  Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical   Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband. Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property. There is no other option. All those who are modest will opt for the first.   In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.   Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islaam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.   There are several other reasons, why Islaam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women. source-Dr.zakir naik/irf.net

Marriage survival guide the Islamic way...

More Muslim marriages in North America are breaking up in their first year than ever before, according to Shahina Siddiqui, executive director of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA).  The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. They are a time a couple spends getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other's habits and personalities.  Below are some of the main problems couples face in the early years and some possible solutions.  1. Lack of proper information before marriage  A number of problems are caused simply by the fact that the couple and their families have not discussed crucial issues beforehand. Some of these include:  • whether or not the wife will work outside the home  • will the couple wait to have children  • which city and country the couple will live in after marriage  • will they live with his parents or have their own apartment  These and other relevant issues need to be discussed and decided in the beginning stages of the marriage process.  2. Who's in charge?  One of the biggest problems is the tug-of-war between couples over who is in control in the relationship. This has led to a stalemate in disagreements, as well as bitter feelings.  Many couples today are refusing to compromise within moderation when differences arise.  While from an Islamic perspective, the husband is given the leadership role in the marriage relationship, this does not mean he runs the couple's family life like a dictatorship.  It must be remembered that Islamically, a leader is one who serves, manages, provides and nourishes. A leader must also have humbleness and humility.  A husband exercises the right kind of leadership by being listening to and consulting (doing Shura) with his wife.  Also, a husband is bound to follow the rules of the Quran and Sunnah. So differences in opinion should be referred back to these sources, instead of becoming a source of tension and problems.  3. The divorce option  Once upon a time, "divorce" was the seven-letter word most Muslim couples avoided using. Today, amongst many Muslim couples in North America, it is one of the first recourses turned to when conflicts occur in marriage.  It should be remembered that out of all of the things Allah has made Halal, divorce is the one He hates the most. Couples need to look at several other alternatives before turning to this drastic measure.  They should seek the help of older, wiser and trustworthy elders who will try to help them resolve their differences. Generally, they need to make a sincere, concerted effort to try to work things out before divorce is seriously considered.  4. Sexual problems  It is unrealistic to expect the issue of sex and sex-related problems to mysteriously disappear once a couple gets married.  In the sex-saturated culture of North America (and everywhere else), couples tend to place very high expectations of each other in this area. They also expect instant results.  In reality, it takes time, commitment, disappointment and investment to establish a sexual relationship in marriage which is in tune with the needs of each partner.  It's important for Muslim couples to walk into marriage with proper information about sex and sexual etiquette from an Islamic perspective. They need to know what is Halal (permissible) and what is Haram (forbidden). They should also keep in mind that spouses must never discuss their sexual relationship with others, unless it is to get help for a specific problem with the right person or authority figure.  On a similar note, it's important for both the husband and wife to remember that they need to make themselves physically attractive to each other. Too many couples take marriage to mean an excuse to now let themselves go. The couple or one of the partners may gain too much weight, or may not care about hygiene and their looks in general. The reverse should be true: spouses should take the time out for these things and give them even more attention after marriage. Our beloved Prophet has recommended husband and wife both to do that, May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.  5. In-laws  The first few years of marriage are not just a period of adjustment for the married couple. It's one of getting used to in-laws and vice-versa.  Husbands, wives and in-laws need to practice the Islamic rules of social relations with each other. These include: avoiding sarcasm, backbiting, calling each other by offensive nicknames, and making a special effort to respect each other as family members.  As well, comparisons need to be avoided, since every individual and every couple is different. So wives should not be compared to mothers and sisters. Husbands should not be compared to fathers and brothers. In-laws should not be compared to parents, etc.  In addition, there should be regular, healthy contact between spouses and in-laws. This can mean visiting each other at least once or twice a month, or calling if distance makes it difficult to get together.  6. Realism  Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.  This is the plot of many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie, where everyone is "perfect". Real life is very different.  Couples may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas and expecting their partner to be the ideal human. But all humans have good and bad points. Husbands and wives have to learn to accept each other, warts and all.  6. Making a schedule and establishing rituals  Making a schedule may seem like an end to spontaneity but it's not.  This allows you to establish your own lifestyle and rituals as a couple. It's especially important if both the husband and wife are going to school and/or working. In this scenario, a schedule helps in setting time aside for each other during a fast-paced week of work and studies.  Some rituals couples can establish may include:  • praying at least one prayer together  • attending a study circle together once a week  • deciding on a weekly menu  • having a pancake breakfast every Saturday morning  • setting aside one day on which no work or studying will be done  • setting a day when both the husband and wife will clean up the house  • setting a time to discuss finances and a budget  • making a phone contacting during the day  • deciding on a particular day and time once a month at least to visit each other's parents  By discussing and setting up these rituals, couples learn how to talk to and feel responsible for each other. They also learn to become a team instead of two people living in the same with separate lives.  7. Marriage as a restriction  Muslim men who have grown up in North America (and else where) may find marriage restricting. After all, before, they could hang out with their buddies and get home by 11:00 p.m. and no one would say a word. After marriage though, they have to be home by 7:00 p.m if not earlier.  While marriage comes with responsibilities and a tighter schedule, the benefits are also there. It takes time and patience to realize that in the end the benefits (i.e. a life partner, kids, etc.) are greater than the restrictions.  8. Friends and Islamic activities  Friends are a joy and a good friend is someone you want to be close to for the rest of your life. But friends are often the source of many marriage conflicts. Too much time spent with friends, either hanging out or on the phone, means time lost with a husband/wife.  Also, friends, especially if they are of the same age group, may give the wrong advice on marriage, due to their own inexperience in the area.  Some possible solutions to the friends dilemma could be:  • working out a "friends time" at least once a week where the husband and the wife meet and/or talk with friends privately  • developing friendships with other married couples so spouses can befriend spouses  Islamic activities fall in a similar category. Young Muslim activists may think they can keep attending those three-hour Muslim Students' Association meetings as they did before marriage. Not so.  Too much focus on outside Islamic activities takes away from spouse time. Give Islamic activities their due but within a balance of everyone's rights, including those of your spouse.  9. Not keeping secrets  A number of young married couples are notorious for not keeping secrets, especially related to sexual matters, and exposing their spouse's faults. This is not only unacceptable. It's unIslamic. Couples should seek to hide each other's faults. They should seek advice on marriage problems from a "marriage mentor", someone who is older, wiser, trustworthy and has the best interests of both parties at heart.  10. Finances  How much should be spent on furniture, the house, food, etc. These are staple issues of any household and can lead to a tug-of-war between husband and wife.  To keep spending in check, husbands and wives need to draft a budget then stick to it. The household will run more efficiently and that's one less source of conflict in the marriage.  A special note to husbands: in the beginning of marriage, husbands tend to shower their wives with gifts. They do this as an expression of love and because they want to provide for their wives. However, as time passes and they keep giving, they go into debt or experience financial difficulty. As well, wives get used to a certain level of comfort which husbands can no longer afford.  Providing for a wife (and later on, a family) is not just reserved to material things. It includes spending time with her, and treating her with equity and kindness. In fact, most wives would prefer this kind of provision over expensive gifts.  11. Give each other space  A number of couples think being married means always being together and serving each other hand and foot.  Wives may initially take over all household chores, not letting the husband help or even do his own things (i.e. ironing his own clothes). They later regret this as household responsibilities increase and their husbands become dependent on them for the smallest things.  Husbands may think getting married means being with their wives all the time. This later may lead them to becoming irritable and cranky.  The key is to focus on being caring, fond of and accepting each other and giving each other sufficient space. Doing this provides a necessary balance in a relationship which is so close physically and emotionally.

AISHA

Is love before marriage better?

Is love before marriage better?

What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Praise be to Allaah.  

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other. 

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage." (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624) 

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah: 

The phrase "We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage" may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage.  If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day." 

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee'ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan's whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.   

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her. 

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later. 

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate. 

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful. 

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu'bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa'i, 3235) 

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.

 And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Love which ends in marriage – is it haraam?

Is love that ends in marriage haraam?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: The relationship that develops between a man and a non-mahram woman, which people call "love" is a combination of haraam things that transgress shar'i and moral limits. 

No wise person will doubt that this relationship is haraam, because it involves a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, looking at her, touching her, kissing, and speaking words filled with love and admiration, which provokes desire. 

This relationship may lead to things that are more serious than that, as is happening nowadays. 

We have mentioned a number of these haraam things in the answer to question no. 84089. 

Secondly: 

Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call "traditional marriages", succeed. 

In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was: 

Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage. 

In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma'eel 'Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%. 

We can mention the most important causes of this outcome: 

1-    Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: "Love is blind". One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.

2-    The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage, when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.

3-    The lovers are not used to debate and discussion, rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.

4-    The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image, because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called "love" phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.

5-    The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on.

But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, "A small nest is sufficient for us" and "A small morsel is sufficient for us" and "I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive"! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband's miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses. 

For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying So and so who was suggested to him by his parents, and the woman regrets not marrying So and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world! 

Thirdly: 

The reasons mentioned above are real, and have happened in real life, but we should not ignore the real reason for the failure of these marriages, which are based on disobedience to Allaah. Islam can never approve of these sinful relationships, even if the aim is marriage. Therefore they cannot escape the just divine punishment, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

"But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur'aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship"

[Ta-Ha 20:124] 

A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allaah and turning away from His Revelation. 

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

"And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth"

[al-A'raaf 7:96]  

Blessings from Allaah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent. 

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"

[al-Nahl 16:97] 

A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds. 

Allaah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

"Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allaah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allaah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)"

[al-Tawbah 9:109] 

The one whose marriage is based on this haraam foundation must hasten to repent and seek forgiveness and seek a righteous life that is based on faith, piety and righteous deeds. 

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!! !!

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager  visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo. The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained a few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India . The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered. The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?' The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but  ... Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!! Moral of Story: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!! !!

Dont Investigate Into Your Husband / Wife Past..

Many men & women insist upon knowing everything about their husband's or wife's past. If a man or a woman was not always a practicing Muslim, then he or she might ask him/her about women/men he/she previously liked- for example, how do they look? they will then insist to their spouses that whatever he/she says will not have any affect on him/her whatsoever!! When a man/woman answers questions about their past, he/she makes a huge mistake, one that he/she will pay a dear price for any acknowledgement of a past relationship will cause his/her married life to be poisoned by JEALOUSY. Noble brothers/sisters in Islam, beware of investigating into your husband's/wife's past. Instead of asking about your spouse past, contemplate the saying of Allah: "O you who believe! ask not about things which, if made plain to you, may cause you trouble" (5:101). And the Prophet (SAW) said: "It is from the goodness of one's Islam that he leaves alone that which does not concern him" Instead of living in your spouse's past and investigating its particulars, enjoy the present life that you are sharing with your husband or wife.

What Grudge can do.......PLZ - must READ

I wouldn't go so far as to beg you to read it, but it definitely is worth the read, if only to demonstrate the value of speaking at the right time....................things left unsaid have a tendency of creating a situation leading to a snowballing effect, which you will appreciate while reading the fairly long piece below.   Sometimes it is better to be silent, but not in times like these......................     This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted. Please I BEG YOU, read this story up until the end, it is such an opener.  You never know…………………….! Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.  Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling. Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle. Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me....... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table. The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it. We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes.. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother. Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all. Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. >From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hitsme. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion.... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there. Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... " Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."............ This is a true story. LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!! I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience........ This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.