Showing posts with label marriage guidebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage guidebook. Show all posts

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Mother's Advice to her Daughter for Marriage

Mother's Advice to her Daughter for Marriage

As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barkatuh
Mother's Advice To Her Daughter For Marriage

`Abd al-Malik (RA) said: "When `Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn `Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:

`O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

`O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

`O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

`Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
`The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

`The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

`The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

`The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

`The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

`Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

`Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

`Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you."

Jamharah Khutah al-`Arab, 1/145

Friday, July 17, 2009

Guidelines for a perfect Marriage (For Women)



May God's blessings and mercy be on your Marriage is Prophet's tradition in life, it is not a mere bond and unity between two physical bodies. rather it is the assemblage of two spirits. Marriage is not aimed at attaining a transient joy, rather at reaching human perfection and perpetuating the human generation.
Be merited wife for your husband as God wants you to be; a woman with a prosperous life in this world and a guaranteed salvation in the other world. The following steps may help you to recognize your duties as a wife and to better fulfill them.

One: Accompany your husband to reach his sacred goal and be a partner in safeguarding the marital life. For the true love is not to look at each other in the eyes, rather to look towards the same direction. Know that accompanying your husband in same affairs would add to the beauty of marriage life.

Two: Try to habituate yourself to religious performances inside the house such as recitation of the Holy Quran in the morning, reading books following the news etc. It would have more effect on you if you do it together with your husband.

Three: Do not separate yourself from the people and do not let the marriage prevent you from participating in social affairs. For your duty to defend the truth and help the deprived is not only limited to singleness. Be aware that marriage is not a golden cage to surround yourself with rather husband and wife are as two wings of a bird, the existence of both of which are essential for flying. It is with the cooperation of each other that you will have a prosperous life.

Four: Your house should be as simple as the Prophet's house; its only decoration being love, affection, and unity not the luxury things for nothing is more beautiful than love and affection and greater than simplicity.

Five: If your husband attempts to misguide you towards the fire of the hell be stronger and guide him to the heaven. Do not accompany him if he is making sin, for your deeds will be the only intercessor on the resurrection day not your husband and/or the children.

Six: Be a conscience to your husband; stop him from making any sin and encourage him to worship. By doing this you will become a woman whom the Holy Prophet (SAW) described as: "After his faith in God, the believer has not achieved anything better than a nice wife who would make him happy and help him in serving God."

Seven: Read books about the children and the methods of upbringing before having a baby for your child is a trust that God has given you to take care of. Be careful of how you bring him up and how you make his personality.

Eight: Do not permit any gap to separate you and your husband in Jihad, if he is jailed or killed in this way then you should continue his struggle. Be like the wife of "Wahab" for when he was killed in the battle she took the pole of the tent and fought the enemy with it. After she was killed by the sword of the enemy. her spirit joined her husband's in heaven.
Or be like Zainab (RA) and destroy the oppressor with your speech and show his bloody clothes to the people so they would feel the depth of the oppression.

Nine: Be patient and accompany your husband in bearing the difficulties and pressures of life, and encourage him to resistance when he is disappointed. Help him when there is nobody else to solace him. Be like Hazrat Khadijeh (RA) whom the Holy Prophet (SAW) said about:
"She (Hazrat Khadijeh) helped me when people degraded and excommunicated me and believed me when others disbelieved me."
Be aware that any man needs a wife to be beside him in facing the difficulties; a wife who would stay in the same line with her husband when everybody else is opposing him and who would give confidence to him to face tike problems.

Ten: As his loyal assistant arrange your husband's room for his social activities respect his decisions, and help him to manage his social affairs. By doing this his love for the house and the family would increase.

Eleven: Do not interfere in all his affairs for he is not your necklace or the button of your shirt, rather he is a human being who has to face many problems. Do not attempt to impose your idea on him or supervise his activities for the freedom of every being should be considered.

Twelve: Serve your husband for it would strengthen the marriage bond and would have the great blessings of God. Imam Sadiq (RA) said: "One benefactor woman is better than a thousand wicked men and God would close seven gates of the hell and open eight gates of the heaven to the wife who serves her husband for seven days."
He also says: "Among the rights of the husband which the wife should fulfill are, cooking the food welcoming the husband when he enters the house, preparing the towel and water (as in those days there was no tap water and the wife used to bring the water in a pitcher so the man could wash his hands with) an not avoiding him."

Thirteen: Talk about generosity and optimism to your husband and invigorate these characteristics in him. Encourage him in bearing the burden of his great responsibilities and know that your encouragement is the most effective one. The effect of your husband on the people is a reflection of the effect of you on him.. If you treat your husband as a polite, successful, brave, faithful and honest man then he would become a man with all these characteristics. Be a great wife who stands behind a great husband.

Fourteen: Learn from the skills of your husband what you do not know and use his experiences. Teach him whatever he does not know. Be aware that a successful life is not achieved only when the man is pious but when the woman is pious as well.
Fifteen: Contentment is the most beautiful characteristic that one may have in the world. The Holy Prophet (SAW) said: "God will not accept the good deeds of the wife who imposes more than her husband could afford on him and when she meets God she will find him angry with her."
Be a follower of Hazarat Fatimah Zahra (RA). When Imam Ali (RA) one day saw her pale face, he asked: "What has happened to you, Fatimah?" She answered: "We did not have anything in the house for three days." The Imam said: "Why didn't you tell me?" She replied: "My father, the Prophet of God told me in the wedding night: Fatimah, eat when Ali brings food otherwise do not ask for it."

Sixteen: Be the first to reconcile when there is a quarrel between you and your husband for God has said: "And if a woman fears ill usage or desertion on the part of her husband, there is no blame on them if they effect a reconciliation between them and reconciliation is better." Reveal your affection to your husband and teach him a lesson with your reconciliation that he would never forget.

Seventeen: Avoid anger and jeer. Do not argue much and do not reveal the other's faults. Do not ask for a life like the other's for it would weaken the marriage bond. Forget and forgive things that might upset you. Your life is now different from when you were single since you are sharing your life with somebody else.
God willing these points may remind our dear sisters of some of their great responsibilities and help them to become a faithful wife.

Tips to make One's husband happy




1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful. All good things are from Allah.
Never forget to ask Allah ta'ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah ta'ala - into Jannah.

2. Listen and Obey! Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect..

3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him..

4. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple 'I'm sorry' even if it is not your fault. When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, "Look, I'm sorry. Let's be friends.".

5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again. This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire..

6. Joke and play games with your husband. A mans secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh..

7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house. From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses - as described in the Qur'an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband..

8. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them The Qur'an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to 'enlarge' them, and sing to your husband..

9. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting. Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom - what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him..

10. Use your 'Fitnah' to win the heart of your husband All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah - Azza wa Jal - has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband..

11. More Tips -

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,


Begin with a good greeting.

Meet him with a cheerful face

Beautify and perfume yourself

Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested

Receive him with loving and yearning sentences

Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

Beautify and Soften the Voice


3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

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Take good care of your body and fitness.
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Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
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Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
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Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
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Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness


Exchange loving phrases with your husband.


4. Satisfaction

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You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job
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You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people
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You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.



5. Indifference to Worldly Things

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You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
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You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
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Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

6. Appreciation

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By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
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The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
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The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: "Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?"

8. Devotion and Loyalty

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In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
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Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him

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In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited
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In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

10. Pleasing him If he Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:

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If you were mistaken, then apologize
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If he was mistaken then:
Keep still instead of arguing or
Yield you right or
Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
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If he was angry because of external reasons then:
Keep silent until his anger goes
Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him
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Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened!
2) I must know what made you so angry!
3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!

11. Guardianship While he is Absent

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Protect yourself from any prohibited relations
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Keep the secrets of the family, particularly Personal life and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.
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Take care of the house and children.
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Take care of his money and properties
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Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
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Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

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You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
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You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
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You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
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Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
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Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home
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Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc...

13. Admirable Jealousy

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Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…
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You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

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Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
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When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
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When facing hardships (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.
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Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.
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When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

15. Support in Obedience to Allah

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Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
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Encourage him to pray at night.
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Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
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16. Good Housekeeping

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Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged
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Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom
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Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods
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Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing
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Learn how to raise children properly

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

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Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
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Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
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Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc.

81 ways to win your wife's love


1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. Be humble.
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54.. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on..
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
77. Adopt a kitten for her if she likes.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).