Friends
Why they are so important and what to do about them
Mirza Yawar Baig
All praise and thanks are due to AllahY the Rabb of the Worlds and peace and blessings on His Messengerr the last and final Nabi and Rasool, our master Muhammadr, his family and companions and all those who follow them in excellence until the Day of Judgment. Thereafter –
My dear brothers and sisters, there are two kinds of people in the world – the sheep and the shepherds. So the first thing that you need to do is to make a choice. Do you want to be a sheep or do you want to be a shepherd? If you want to be a sheep then I suggest you don't waste your time listening to me because I don't know the language of sheep so you won't understand what I am going to say. So please go to sleep and when the Khutba is over, I'll wake you up.
But if you are a shepherd or want to become one, then this Khutba is for you so listen well. The first thing I want to say to you is:
Being a leader means to take hard decisions and to like being alone.
The tiger walks alone. Sheep have lots of company.
The biggest reason and pull of friendship is the need for company, which in psychology we call by various names: affiliation need, need for approval, affirmation, confirmation and so on. I agree and accept that this is a natural, internal need for human beings. Goes back to the time we used to live in tribal societies where without the tribe the man was dead. But it is also an insidious need which seeks to manipulate you to make you conform to the acceptability norms of the group you wish to belong to. In simple terms, they are saying to you, 'If you want to be one of us, be like us.' Do what we do, like and dislike, approve and disapprove of what we approve and disapprove of. Walk on our path and reach our destination.
But then even in tribal times, you saw what those who wanted to differentiate, to make a difference, to lead their people, did. They refused to go with the flow. They swam against the current. They demonstrated that they were alive and not dead. For it is only dead fish that go with the flow. Live fish always swim against the current. It is a sign that they are alive and capable of charting their own course. So as I said, the basic need for friends is the need for company. Now, the second thing that I want to say to you is:
Anyone who is driven by a need is someone who is at the mercy of the one who can fulfill that need. He is a hostage in the hands of others.
I want you to think about Tawheed in this context and see how Tawheed sets you free from the slavery of the world, because you acknowledge the Only One who can fulfill our needs. When you make Sujood to AllahY it frees you from bowing to everyone else. That is why Allama Iqbal said:
Wo ek Sajda jisay thu giraan samajhta hai
Hazaar sajdon say deta hai aadmi ko najaat
{The one Sajda which you consider difficult: Frees man from a thousand Sajdas}
When you seek the company of people, it does not come free of cost. Each group you want to be a part of has its own boundary conditions, its own entry rules; its own conditions for inclusion. Some of these are formally stated and you have to attend an interview and subject yourself to the examination of the group and be accepted to become a member. In other cases the conditions are not formally stated but they are equally compelling.
One common rule for all boundary conditions for inclusion is, 'If you want to be one of us, be like us.'
So what is the implication of, 'If you want to be one of us, be like us'?
To understand that we have to consider each set of entry rules and see what they are and what they mean. For example there are some entry rules which demand that we deliberately do things which are against the laws of Islam. They demand that we pay large sums of money to support institutions which exist to propagate Haraam like gambling, drinking alcohol, music and dancing and so on. When we agree and pay huge sums of money and demonstrate our willingness to commit Haraam by participating in their activities wholeheartedly, only then are we admitted as members. There's even a probation period to see if we demonstrate our commitment to Haraam. Truly to enter Jahannam is not easy. It takes time, money and desire. Only then can one be admitted into the Jahannam to spend the rest of eternity with Shaytaan and his friends. AllahY mentioned those sheep that in the clutches of self-induced blindness and deafness enter such company and then when their eyes open on the Day of Judgment they realize what it meant to be in that company. AllahY described the scene where the person who used to follow his bad friends will deeply regret that on the Day of Judgment and will bite his hands in regret and say, 'O I wish I had not taken so-and-so as my friend.
He indeed led me away from the reminder (Qur'an) after it had come to me.' Clearly this is directed towards the Muslims as well, because who else will say, 'Led me away from the reminder after it had come to me.' Needless to say, by then it is already too late to change anything.
وَيَوْمَ يَعَضُّ الظَّالِمُ عَلَى يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي اتَّخَذْتُ مَعَ الرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًا
يَا وَيْلَتَى لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا
لَقَدْ أَضَلَّنِي عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءنِي وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِلْإِنسَانِ خَذُولًا
Furqaan 25: 27. And (remember) the Day when the Zalim (wrong-doer) will bite at his hands, he will say: "Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger (Muhammad). 28. "Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! 29. "He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (this Qur'an) after it had come to me. And Shaytaan (Satan) is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need."
Such people in this life consider themselves to be very cool and trendy and hip. They look down on others who they call 'square', 'traditional', 'dull' and 'drags'. Naturally for people whose reason for meeting and parting is self-indulgence and the displeasure and anger of AllahY, those who love AllahY and whose need to please Him outweighs every other, will look strange and be 'drags' on their lifestyle. They will call them 'Strangers'.
Interestingly so did Rasoolullahr. He prophesied:
بدأ الإسلام غريبًا، وسيعود غريبًا كما بدأ، فَطُوبي للغرباء
"Islam began as something strange, and it shall return to being something strange, so give glad tidings to the strangers."
Saheeh Hadeeth [Ibn Maajah, Kitaab al fitan 3986
AllahY also mentioned the fate of those who consider themselves to be very clever and cool today and lead others astray. On the Day of Judgment they will find that those who refused to listen to them and who refused to be led by them are vindicated and have a light running before them and by their right hand while the cool and smart of this world are in darkness. Then they will call out to them and remind them that they used to be with them in the world. But of no consequence will that company be to them on the Day of Judgment, because in the world they did not benefit from the company of their good friend but instead laughed at them.
On the Day of Judgment when they call out to the Believers, "Were we not with you?" The Believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."
يَوْمَ تَرَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَسْعَى نُورُهُم بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَبِأَيْمَانِهِم بُشْرَاكُمُ الْيَوْمَ جَنَّاتٌ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا ذَلِكَ هُوَ الْفَوْزُ الْعَظِيمُ
يَوْمَ يَقُولُ الْمُنَافِقُونَ وَالْمُنَافِقَاتُ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا انظُرُونَا نَقْتَبِسْ مِن نُّورِكُمْ قِيلَ ارْجِعُوا وَرَاءكُمْ فَالْتَمِسُوا نُورًا فَضُرِبَ بَيْنَهُم بِسُورٍ لَّهُ بَابٌ بَاطِنُهُ فِيهِ الرَّحْمَةُ وَظَاهِرُهُ مِن قِبَلِهِ الْعَذَابُ
يُنَادُونَهُمْ أَلَمْ نَكُن مَّعَكُمْ قَالُوا بَلَى وَلَكِنَّكُمْ فَتَنتُمْ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَتَرَبَّصْتُمْ وَارْتَبْتُمْ وَغَرَّتْكُمُ الْأَمَانِيُّ حَتَّى جَاء أَمْرُ اللَّهِ وَغَرَّكُم بِاللَّهِ الْغَرُورُ
Hadid 57: 12. On the Day you shall see the believing men and the believing women their light running forward before them and by their right hands. Glad tidings for you this Day! Gardens under which rivers flow ( Paradise ), to dwell therein forever! Truly, this is the great success! 13. On the Day when the hypocrites men and women will say to the believers: "Wait for us! Let us get something from your light!" It will be said: "Go back to your rear! Then seek a light!" So a wall will be put up between them, with a gate therein. Inside it will be mercy, and outside it will be torment." 14. (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."
Now let us look at another kind of friend. AllahY said about them:
الْأَخِلَّاء يَوْمَئِذٍ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا الْمُتَّقِينَ
Zukhruf 43: 67. Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al-Muttaqun
So one of the qualities of good friends, friends who are Muttaqun is that they will not abandon you even on the Day of Judgment. This is because they will be in a state where the horrors of the Day will not touch them and they will be protected from the terror by AllahY.
Narrated by Abu Hurairah, Rasoolullahr is reported to have said, 'There are seven whom AllahY will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade:
1. A just ruler;
2. A youth who grew up in the worship of AllahY;
3. A man whose heart is attached to the Masaajid;
4. Two men who love each other for AllahY's sake, meeting for that and parting upon that;
5. A man who is called by a woman of beauty and position [for zina], but he says: 'I fear AllahY',
6. A man who gives in charity and hides it, such that his left hand does not know what his right hand gives in charity;
7. And a man who remembers AllahY in private and his eyes shed tears.'
Saheeh al-Bukhari (English trans.) vol.1, p.356, no.629 & Saheeh Muslim (English trans.) vol.2, p.493, no.2248
Rasoolullahr mentioned the criteria of a good friend. He said:
There are four qualities of a good friend:
- When you see him, he reminds you about AllahY
- When you sit with him, your Imaan increases.
- When he speaks it increases your knowledge.
- When you see his actions, you remember your Aakhira.
May AllahY help us to choose friends who fit this standard and to make ourselves friends of this standard for those who choose us. Such groups also have their entry criteria. These are that you should love AllahY and His Messengerr and his Deen. That you should be interested in learning and practicing and conveying this Deen to everyone in the world. That you should not fear anyone in the practice of this Deen. That you should stand for this Deen even if you stand alone – but then who is alone when the One who makes him stand is AllahY?
There is another aspect of being in the company of those who obey AllahY and those who don't.
When you are in the company of Muttaqoon, those who obey AllahY, it becomes easy for you to obey AllahY and difficult to disobey him. Company influences. So when you are in the company of Muttaqoon, when it is time for Salah it is but natural that you join them in prayer. Your activities, be they formal or informal, business or pleasure – will not violate the laws of the Shari'ah. You will not have celebrations in ways that are un-Islamic. You will not indulge in ostentation and Israaf which is Haraam. You will not do anything that is displeasing to AllahY or in violation of the Sunnah of His Messengerr. Their talk will loop back over and over to the Aakhira and to the fact that one day we will die and be called to account. Their role models will be the heroes of Islam. The criterion of intelligence that they will quote will be the criterion that the Qur'an prescribed – that the person first recognize AllahY and worship Him alone. They will quote examples of people who were global leaders in a worldly sense yet adhered to Islam totally and completely in word and in spirit. They will seek to bring about change in themselves so that they can improve in knowledge and practice to get closer to AllahY. They will talk about the Jannah and the Jahannam as if they could see them and believe them to be real. And you will find yourself beginning to see the vision before their eyes and to want to achieve what they want to achieve – the pleasure of our Rabb. About such people AllahY said:
وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَاء بَعْضٍ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ الصَّلاَةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ الزَّكَاةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ اللّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ أُوْلَـئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ اللّهُ إِنَّ اللّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
Tawba 9:71 The believers, men and women, are Auliya (friends, protectors) of one another. They enjoin Al Ma'aroof (all that Islam orders) and forbid Al Munkar (all kinds of things that Islam forbids). They establish As Salat (Iqamat-as-Salaat) and give Zakat and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah will have His Mercy on them. Surely Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
On the other hand when you are in the company of the Fasiqoon disobedience becomes easy and obedience difficult. Your friends, social pressure and atmosphere will collude to prevent you even from making Salah at its right time. They will pressurize you to break the rules of the Shari'ah in the name of 'freedom' or 'modernity' or some other similar rubbish. Their business will violate the Shari'ah. So will their entertainment and relaxation. Their talk will be exclusively of the Duniya and will take your more and more away from any thought of the fact that one day you will die and be called to account. They will make fun of your religion and of the Sunnah of Rasoolullahr. They will laugh derisively at those who seek to follow the Sunnah and call them names. They will cast doubts about the promises of AllahY and use clever arguments and misguided logic to 'prove' to you that Jannah and Jahannam are figurative, illusory and unreal. They will deny the provisions of the Shari'ah and will make Halaal what AllahY has made Haraam and make Haraam what AllahY has made Halaal. They will seek to deny the teachings of Rasoolullahr and try to separate AllahY from His Messengerr. Their role models will be rocket scientists who worship mythological figures – their so-called intelligence unable to distinguish between reality and a fairy tale. Or men who feel no shame to live off the earnings of their wives and daughters who exhibit their bodies on the film screen for money.
They will quote to you as examples worthy of emulation, people who have become so lost in the Duniya that they have lost their Deen and are busy preparing their pathway to the Jahannam. Their desires which they seek to fulfill at all costs will all be of the Duniya – objects, things, food, sensations. Their idea of fun is to go blindly from sensation to sensation seeking to reach a new high each time. AllahY said about them:
أَرَأَيْتَ مَنِ اتَّخَذَ إِلَهَهُ هَوَاهُ أَفَأَنتَ تَكُونُ عَلَيْهِ وَكِيلًا
أَمْ تَحْسَبُ أَنَّ أَكْثَرَهُمْ يَسْمَعُونَ أَوْ يَعْقِلُونَ إِنْ هُمْ إِلَّا كَالْأَنْعَامِ بَلْ هُمْ أَضَلُّ سَبِيلًا
Al Furqaan 25:43/44 Have you (O Muhammad) seen him who takes as his Ilaah (god) his own vain desire? Would you then be a Wakil over him?? Or do you think that most of them hear and understand? They are only cattle – nay they are even farther astray from the Path (worse than cattle).
And about such, He told us what He does with them when they exceed all limits:
فَلَمَّا نَسُواْ مَا ذُكِّرُواْ بِهِ فَتَحْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ أَبْوَابَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ حَتَّى إِذَا فَرِحُواْ بِمَا أُوتُواْ أَخَذْنَاهُم بَغْتَةً فَإِذَا هُم مُّبْلِسُونَ
Al An'aam 6:44 Then, when they had forgotten all that they had been told to take to heart, We threw open to them the gates of all [good] things until -even as they were rejoicing in what they had been granted - We suddenly took them to task: and lo! They were broken in spirit.
AllahY warned us against being with such people and said that if we didn't heed this warning, then we would be included among them on the Day of Judgment. He said:
وَقَدْ نَزَّلَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِي الْكِتَابِ أَنْ إِذَا سَمِعْتُمْ آيَاتِ اللّهِ يُكَفَرُ بِهَا وَيُسْتَهْزَأُ بِهَا فَلاَ تَقْعُدُواْ مَعَهُمْ حَتَّى يَخُوضُواْ فِي حَدِيثٍ غَيْرِهِ إِنَّكُمْ إِذًا مِّثْلُهُمْ إِنَّ اللّهَ جَامِعُ الْمُنَافِقِينَ وَالْكَافِرِينَ فِي جَهَنَّمَ جَمِيعًا
Nisa 4:140. And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Qur'an) that when you hear the Ayaat of Allah being denied and mocked at, then don't sit with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them. Surely, Allah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers together in Hell
AllahY warned us against taking those who deny AllahY as friends. He said:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَتَّخِذُواْ الْكَافِرِينَ أَوْلِيَاء مِن دُونِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَتُرِيدُونَ أَن تَجْعَلُواْ لِلّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ سُلْطَانًا مُّبِينًا
Nisa 4:144 O you who believe! Take not for Auliya (protectors or helpers or friends) disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allah a manifest proof against yourselves?
So finally, what should you do? How do you choose who you should take as your friend and which situation, place or activity you should be in and which you should avoid? I have a very simple rule which I apply to myself and which I will share with you.
For the person: Ask, 'Is this someone I want to lead my Salatul Janaaza?' For the situation, place or activity: Ask, 'Is this where I want to die?'
A man asked Rasoolullahr about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, "When will the Hour be?" Rasoolullahr said, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Messengerr." Rasoolullahr said, "You will be with those whom you love." We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of Rasoolullahr (i.e., "You will be with those whom you love.") Therefore, I love Rasoolullahr , Abu Bakr and 'Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to theirs.
(Narrated by Anas - al-Buhkhari 5.37)
So let us be very careful who we love and who we spend time with, because we will be resurrected with them and share our Aakhira with them.
I ask Allah to ease the path for us, to what is pleasing to Him. and give us those friends who can lead us towards right parth - ameen.
Those who are interested in the audio recording, please look for it on www.yawarbaig.in/downloads after Monday, February 7
--
Aish - The Fairy Princess
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