Sex Education: An Islamic Perspective

Bismillah Hir Rahmaanir Raheem.

Sex Education: An Islamic Perspective - Dr. Shahid Athar examines the issues.

"If you tell kids about sex, they'll do it. If you tell them about VD, they'll go out and get it. Incredible as may seem, most oppositions to sex education in this country are based on the assumption that knowledge is harmful. But research in this area reveals that ignorance and unresolved curiosity, not knowledge, are harmful. Our failure to tell children what they want and need to know is one reason we have the highest rates of out-of-wedlock teens pregnancy and abortion of any highly developed country in the world."What Kids Need to Know,
Psychology Today, October 1986. Dr. Sol Gordon, Professor Emeritus, Syracuse University,

and an expert on sex education "Say: Are they equal those who know, and those who do not know?" (Quran 39:9). "Blessed are the women of the Helpers (Women of Madina). Their modesty did not stand in the way of their seeking knowledge about their religion" (Bukhari and Muslim).

Introduction - Although the Quran has placed so much emphasis on acquiring knowledge, and in the days of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) Muslim men and women were never too shy to ask him questions including those related to private affairs such as sexual life, for Muslim parents of today, sex is a dirty word. They feel uncomfortable in discussing sex education with their children, but do not mind the same being taught at their children's school by secular or non-Muslim teachers (of even the opposite sex), by their peers of either sex, and by the media and television. An average child is exposed to 9000 sexual scenes per year.

These parents should know that sex is not always a dirty word. It is an important aspect of our life. God Who cares for all the aspects of our life, and not just the way of worshipping Him, discusses reproduction, creation, family life, menstruation and even ejaculation in the Quran. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), who was sent to us as an example, discussed many aspects of sexual life including sexual positions with his Companions.

The main reason Muslim parents do not or cannot discuss sex education with their children is because of the their cultural upbringing, not their religious training. They are often brought up in a state of ignorance in regard to sex issues. As a result, they may not be comfortable with their own sexuality or its expression. They leave Islamic education to Islamic Sunday schools and sex education to American public schools and the media.

What Is Sex Education And Who Should Give It? - Is sex education about knowing the anatomy and physiology of the human body or about the act of sex or about reproduction and family life or about prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy? Is giving sex ed equivalent to permission in engaging in sex? One sex educator at my son's school told the parents, "I am not planning to tell your children whether or not they should engage in sex or how to do it but in case they decide to do it, they should know how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STD), venereal diseases (VD), acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) and pregnancy."

The problem with this is that at the present time sex ed as taught in the public schools is incomplete. It does not cover morality associated with sex, sexual dysfunctions and deviations and the institution of marriage.

One of the basic questions is, "Do children need sex education?" Do you teach a baby duck how to swim or just put it in the water and let it swim? After all, for thousands of years men and women have been having sex without any formal education. In many traditional civilizations, sex education starts after marriage and with trial and error. Some couples learn it faster than others and do it better than others due to difference in sexual perception and expression of one partner. In my opinion having a dozen children is not necessarily proof of their love. An appropriate and healthy sex education is crucial to the fulfilment of a happy marriage.

With regard to the question who should teach sex ed, I believe everyone has to play his or her role. Parents have to assume a more responsible role. A father has a duty to be able to answer his son's questions and a mother has the same duty to her daughter. We can hardly influence the sex ed taught in public schools or by the media, but we can supplement that with an ethical and moral dimension adding family love and responsibility. Apart from these players, some role can be played by Sunday school teachers, the family physician, the paediatrician and the clergy. Within a family, the older sister has a duty towards the younger one and the elder brother has a duty towards younger ones.

Sex Education In American Schools - Sex education is given in every American school, public or private, from grades 2 to 12. The projected 1990 cost to the nation was $2 billion per year. Teachers are told to give technical aspects of sex ed without telling the students about moral values or how to make the right decisions. After describing the male and female anatomy and reproduction, the main emphasis is on the prevention of venereal diseases and teenage pregnancy. With the rise of AIDS, the focus is on 'Safe Sex' which means having condoms available each time you decide to have sex with someone you don't know. With the help of our tax dollars, about 76 schools in the country have started dispensing free condoms and contraceptives to those who go to school health clinics. Very soon there will be vending machines in school hallways where 'children' can get a condom each time they feel like having sex.

The role of parents is minimized by American sex educators and sometimes ridiculed. In one of the sex ed movies I was made to watch a film called, "Am I Normal?" as a parent at my son's school. Whenever the young boy asks his father a question about sex, the father, shown as a bum and a slob, shuns him and changes the topic. Finally the boy learns it from a stranger and then is shown going into a movie theater with his girlfriend. Sex education as promoted by some Western educators is devoid of morality is in many ways unacceptable to our value system. The examples of the teachings of one such educator are:
a. Nudity in homes (in shower or bedroom) is a good and healthy way to introduce sexuality to smaller (under 5) children, giving them an opportunity to ask questions. At the same time, in the same book, he also states that 75% of all child molestation and incest (500,000 per year) occur by a close relative (parent, step-parent or another family member).

b. A child's playing with genitals of another child is a permissible 'naive exploration' and not a reason for scolding or punishment. He is also aware that boys as young as 12 have raped girls as young as 8. We don't know when this 'naive exploration' becomes a sex act.

c. Children caught reading dirty magazines should not be made to feel guilty, but parents should use it as a chance to get some useful points across to him or her about sexual attitudes, values and sex exploitation, Like charity, pornography should start at home!

d. If your daughter or son is already sexually active, instead of telling them to stop, the parent's moral duty is to protect their health and career by providing them information and means for contraception and avoiding VD.

Maybe this its true for rebellious teens and their submissive parents! Educators like the one referred to above do not believe that giving sexual information means giving the OK for sex. I just wonder as to why some folks after being told the shape, colour, smell and taste of a new fruit, and pleasures derived from eating it, would not like to try it? These educators say that even if your child does not ask any questions about sex, parents should initiate the discussion using i.e. a neighbours pregnancy, a pet's behaviour, advertisement, popular music or a TV show. I wonder why these educators are obsessed with loading children with sexual information whether they want it or not.

The More They Know It - The More They Do It - Sex education in American schools has not helped decrease the teenager incidence of VD or teenage pregnancy. This is because it has not changed their sex habits. According to Marion Wright Elderman, President of the Children' Defense Fund, in a recent report, out of every twenty teens, ten are sexually active but only four use conceptions, two get pregnant and one gives birth. In 1982, a John Hopkins study found one out of every five 15 year olds, and one in three 16 year olds are sexually active. The incidence increased to 43% in 17 year olds. The Louis Harris poll in 1986 found that 57% of the nations 17 year olds, 46% of 16 year olds, 29% 15 year old were sexually active. Now it is estimated that about 80% of girls entering college had sexual intercourse at least once. Going to church does not help either. 1438 teenagers, mostly white, attending conservative evangelical church were sent questions about their sex life. 26% of 16 year olds, 35% of 17 year olds, and 43% of 18 year olds said they had sexual intercourse at least once. 33% that responded also said sex outside of marriage was morally acceptable.

Hazards of Early Sex- The health hazards of early sex includes sexual trauma, increase in incidence of cervical cancer, sexually transmitted disease and teenage pregnancy. We will take up each individually. A variety of injuries are possible and do happen when sex organs are not ready for sex in terms of full maturation. Some of these injuries have a long lasting effect. Cervical cancer has been thought to be related to sex at an early age and with multiple partners. Dr. Nelson and his associates in their article on epidemiology of cervical cancer call it a sexually transmitted disease,

Teenage pregnancy- About one million or more teenage girls become pregnant every year, at a rate of 3000 per day, 80% of whom are unmarried. Out of this I million, about 500,000, decide to keep their baby, and 450,000 are aborted. 100,000 decide to deliver and give the baby up for adoption. In 1950 the incidence of birth from unmarried teenagers was only 13.9%, but in 1985 it increased to 59%. It is a myth that teenage pregnancy is a problem of the black and poor. To the contrary 2/3 teens getting pregnant now are white, suburban and above the poverty income level. The pregnancy rate (without marriage) in 54,000 enlisted Navy women is 40% as compared to 17% in the general population.

What is the life of those who have teenage pregnancy? Only 50% complete high school and more than 50% of them are on welfare. They themselves become child abusers and their children, when grown up, have 82% incidence of teenage pregnancy. 8.6 billion dollars are spent every year for the financial and health care support of teenage mothers., The sexual revolution of the 60's has affected another dimension of health care. In 1985 alone, 10 million cases of chlamydia, 2 million cases of gonorrhoea, I million venereal warts, 0.5 million genital herpes and 90,000 syphilis were diagnosed. The plague of AIDS is adding a new twist to our fears. 200,000 cases have been diagnosed in the US alone, out of which 50% have already died. The disease is growing at a rate of one case every 14 minutes and so far there is no effective treatment. Father Bruce Ritter in New York, who operates shelters for runaway children, says the biggest threat to the nation's 1 million runaways is the threat of AIDS now.

Why do children get involved in sex? - There are many reasons why children get involved in sex. The most common is peer pressure. Their common response is "since everybody is doing it." One of the reasons is their desire for sexual competence with adults and a way to get ahead. Another common reason is their lack of self-esteem which they want to improve by becoming a father or mother. Sometimes it is due to a lack of other alternatives to divert their sexual energies. It could also be due to a lack of love and appreciation at home. Detachment from home can lead to attachment elsewhere. Sexual pressure on them is everywhere, at school from their peers, from the TV where about 20,000 sexual scenes are broadcasted in advertisement, soap operas, prime time shows and MTV. Music affects our sexual mood. It does so by activating melatonin, the hormone from the pineal gland in the brain which is turned on by darkness and turned off by flashing lights. It is the same gland which has been thought to trigger puberty and affects the reproductive cycle and sex mood.

What is the true role of parents? - American educators are putting the blame for their failures (i.e. teenage pregnancy) on the parents. In fact in Wisconsin and many other states the grandparents of a baby born to a teenager are responsible for the financial support of the child. Remember parents are not needed if their teenage daughter needs contraceptives or abortion. Faced with such hypocrisy, the parents job is to instill in their teenagers mind what is not taught in sex ed classes, i.e. reason not to engage in sex, reason not to get pregnant, etc. At the same time, they should divert their energies to some productive activities like community work, sports, character growth, or Sunday schools. Another role of parents is to help their children make the right decisions.

In Islam anything which leads to wrong is also considered wrong. Therefore parents should control the music children are listening to or the TV program they are watching, the magazines they are reading, and the clothes (which may provoke desire in the opposite sex) they are wearing. While group social activity should be permitted with supervision, dating should not be allowed. When American teenagers start dating, sex is on their mind.
In fact during a recent survey, 25% of college freshman boys responded by saying that if they have paid for the food and the girl does not go all the way, they have a right to force her to have sex. Many of the rapes occur at the end of the date and are not reported. Anything which breaks down sexual inhibition and loss of self-control i.e. alcohol, drugs, parking, petting or just being together for two members of the opposite sex in a secluded place should not be allowed for Muslim teenagers. Kissing and petting is preparing the body for sex. The body can be brought to a point of no return.

In summary Muslim parents should teach their children that they are different from non-Muslims in their value system and way of life. Having a feeling and love in your heart for someone of the opposite sex is different and beyond control, while expression of the same through sex is entirely different and should be under control. Muslim children should be told that they don't drink alcohol, eat pork, take drugs, and they don't have to engage in pre-marital sex either.

Islamic Concept of Sexuality - Islam recognizes the power of sexual need, but the subject is discussed in the Quran and the saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in a serious manner, in regard to marital and family life. Parents should familiarize themselves with this body of knowledge.

Sayings of prophet Mohammed -

1. "When one of you have sex with your wife, it is a rewarded act of charity." The companions were surprised and said, "But we do it purely out of our desire. How can it be counted as charity?" The Prophet replied, "If you had done it with a forbidden woman, it would have been counted as a sin, but if you do it in legitimacy, it is counted as charity."

2. "Let not one of you fall upon his wife like a beast falls. It is more appropriate to send a message before the act."

3. "Do not divulge the secrets of your sex life with your wife to another person nor describe her physical feature to anyone."

Concept of Adultery in Islam - God says in the Quran, "Do not go near to adultery. Surely it is a shameful deed and evil, opening roads (to other evils)" (17:32).

"Say, 'Verily, my Lord has prohibited the shameful deeds, be it open or secret, sins and trespasses against the truth and reason"' (7:33).

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure are for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" (24:26).

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), has said in many place that adultery is one of the three major sins. However the most interesting story is that of a young man who went to the Prophet and asked for permission to fornicate because he could not control himself. The Prophet dealt with him with reasoning and asked him if he would approve of someone else having illegal sex with his mother, sister, daughter or wife. Each time the man said 'no'. Then the Prophet replied that the woman with whom you plan to have sex is also somebody's mother, sister, daughter or wife. The man understood and repented. The Prophet prayed for his forgiveness.

Adultery is a crime not against one person but against the whole of society. It is a violation of marital contract. 50% of all first time marriages in this country result in divorce in two years and the main reason for divorce is the adultery of one of the partners. Adultery, which includes both pre-marital and extra marital sex, is an epidemic in this society. Nobody seems to listen to the Bible which says frequently, "Thou shall not commit adultery." The Quranic approach is, "Do not approach adultery."

What does it mean that not only is illegal sex prohibited, but anything which leads to illegal sex is also illegal? These things include dating, provocative dress, nudity, obscenity and pornography. The dress code both for men and women is to protect them from temptation and desires by on lookers who may lose self-control and fall into sin.

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity, and God is well acquainted with all they do. And say to the believing woman that they should lower their gaze, and guard their modesty" (24:30-3 1).

Concept of Marriage in Islam - Islam recognizes the strong sexual urge and desire for reproduction. Thus Islam encourages marriage as a legal sexual means and as a shield from immorality (sex without commitment). In Islam the marriage of a man and woman is not just a financial and legal living arrangement, not even just for reproduction, but providing a total commitment to each other, a contract witnessed by God. Love and joy of companionship is a part of the commitment. A married couple assumes a new social status and responsibility for himself, his wife and his children and for the community.

The Quran says, "Among His signs is that He created consorts for you from among yourself, so that you may find tranquillity with them, and (He) set love and compassion between you. Verily in this are signs for people who reflect" (30:21).

Sayings of prophet Mohammed "Marriage is my tradition. He who rejects my tradition is not of me" (Bukhari, Muslim). "Marriage is half of religion. The other half is being God-fearing" (Tabarani, Hakim). In Islam there is no fixed rule as to the age of marriage. It is becoming fashionable for young Muslim men not to marry until they have completed their education, have a job, or reached age 26-30 or more. Similarly young Muslim girls say they want to marry after age 24. Why? When asked, they say, "I am not ready for it." Not ready for what? Don't they have normal sexual desire? If the answer is yes, then they have only one of the two choices a) marry or b) postpone sex (abstinence until they marry).

The Quran says, "Let those who find not the where withal for marriage, to keep them selves chaste till God find them the means from His Grace" (24:33).

The Prophet said, "Those of you who own the means should marry, otherwise should keep fasting for it curbs desires" (Ibn Massoud).

The Western reason for delaying marriage is different than ours. When I suggested this to one of my sexually active young female patients, she bluntly said, "I don't want to sleep with the same guy every night."

Role Of Muslim Parents And Muslim Organizations - I am not proposing that all Muslim youth be married at age 16. But I must say that youth should accept the biological instinct and make decisions which will help to develop a more satisfied life devoted to having a career rather than spending time in chasing (or dreaming about) the opposite sex. Parents should help their sons and daughters in selection of their mate using Islamic practice as a criteria and not race, colour or wealth. They should encourage them to know each other in a supervised setting. The community organization has several roles to play.

a) To provide a platform for boys and girls to see and know each other without any intimacy.

b) Offer premarital educational courses to boys and girls over 18 separately to prepare them for the role of father and husband and of mother and wife. The father has a special role, mentioned by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), "One who is given by God, a child, he should give it a beautiful name, should give him or her education, and training and when he or she attains puberty, he should see to it that he or she is married. If the father does not arrange their marriage after puberty, and the boy or girl is involved in sin, the responsibility of that sin will lie with the father"

Marriage of Muslim girls in the USA - Marriage of Muslim girls in this country is becoming a problem. I was not surprised to read the letter of a Muslim father in a national magazine. He complained that in spite of his doing his best in teaching Islam to his children, his college-going daughter announced that she is going to marry a non-Muslim boy whom she met in college. As a social scientist I am more interested in the analysis of the events. To be more specific, why would a Muslim girl prefer a non-Muslim boy over a Muslim? The following reasons come to mind:

- She is opposed to and scared of arranged marriages. She should be told that not all arranged marriages are bad ones and that 50% of all love marriages end up in a divorce in this country. Arranged marriages can be successful if approved by both the boy and girl. That is, they need to be a party to the arrangement. I am myself opposed to the blind arranged marriage.

- Muslim boys are not available to her to make a choice. While parents have no objection or cannot do anything about non-Muslim boys with whom she talks or socializes at school or college for forty hours a week, she is not allowed to talk to a Muslim boy in the mosque or in a social gathering. If she does, they frown at her or even accuse her of having a loss character. As a Muslim boy put it, "If I grow up knowing only non-Muslim girls, why do my parents expect me to marry a Muslim one?"

- Some Muslim boys do not care for Muslim girls. On the pretext of missionary work after marriage, they get involved with non-Muslim girls because of their easy availability. Muslim parents who also live with an inferiority complex do not mind their son marrying an American girl of European background but they would object if he marries a Muslim girl of a different school of Islamic thought (Shiah/Sunni) or different tribe like Punjabi, Sunni, Pathan, Arab vs. non-Arab, Afro-American vs. immigrant, or different class, Syed vs. non-Syed. Both the parents and the body should be reminded that the criteria for choosing a spouse that was given by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was not wealth nor color but Islamic piety. - She may have been told that early marriage, that is, age 18 or less, is taboo and that she should wait until the age of 23 or 25. According to statistics, 80% of American girls, while waiting to get settled in life and married, engage freely in sex with multiple boyfriends. However, this option is not available to Muslim girls. Every year nearly one million teenage girls in this country who think that they are not ready for marriage, get pregnant. By the age of 24 when a Muslim girl decides that she is ready for marriage, it may be too large for her. If she reviews the matrimonial ad section in Islamic magazines, she will quickly notice that the boys of the age group of 25 to 30 are looking for girls from 18 to 20 year age group. They may wrongfully assume that an older girl may not be a virgin. Thus, unless these issues are addressed, many Muslim girls in the US may end up marrying a non-Muslim or remain unmarried. Curriculum For Islamic Sex Education Islamic sex ed should be taught at home starting at an early age. Before giving education about anatomy and physiology, the belief in the Creator should be well established. As Dostoevsky put it, "Without God, everything is possible," meaning that the lack of belief or awareness of God gives an OK for wrongdoing. A father should teach his son and a mother should teach her daughter. In the absence of a willing parent, the next best choice should be a Muslim male teacher (preferably a physician) for boys and a Muslim female teacher (preferably a physician) for a girl at the Islamic Sunday school. The curriculum should be tailored according to age of the child and classes be held separately. Only pertinent answers to a question should be given. By this I mean that if a five year old asks how he or she got into mommie's stomach, there is no need to describe the whole act of intercourse. Similarly it is not necessary to tell a fourteen year old how to put on condoms. This might be taught in premarital class just before his or her marriage.


A curriculum for sex ed should Include:
a. Sexual growth and development *
Time table for puberty
* Physical changes during puberty *
Need for family life
b. Physiology of reproductive system
* For girls- the organ, menstruation, premenstrual syndrome
* For boys- the organ, the sex drive c. Conception, development of fetus and birth
d. Sexually transmitted disease (VD/AIDS) (emphasize the Islamic aspect) e. Mental, emotional and social aspects of puberty f Social, moral and religious ethics g. How to avoid peer pressure Sex Education after Marriage

This essay is not intended to be a sex manual for married couples, although I may write such someday. I just wanted to remind the reader of a short verse in the Quran and then elaborate. The verse is, "They are your garments, and you are their garments" (2:187). Husbands and wives are described as garments for each other. A garment is very close to our body, so they should be close to each other. A garment protects and shields our modesty, so they should do the same to each other. Garments are put on anytime we like, so should they be available to each other anytime. A garment adds to our beauty, so they should praise and beautify each other. For husbands I should say that sex is an expression of love and one without the other is incomplete. One of your jobs is to educate your wife in matters of sex especially in your likes and dislikes and do not compare her to other women. For wives I want to say that a man's sexual needs are different than a women's. Instead of being a passive recipient of sex, try to be an active partner. He is exposed to many temptations outside the home. Be available to please him and do not give him a reason to make a choice between you and hellfire.

From the book: Sex Education: An Islamic Perspective (Edited by Shahid Athar , M.D.) Shahid Athar M.D. is Clinical Associate Professor of Internal Medicine and Endocrinology, Indiana University School of Medicine Indianapolis, Indiana, and a writer on Islam.

Domestic Abuse in America

Domestic Abuse in America

4 million American women experience a serious assault by a partner during an average 12-month period. 1

On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.2

92% of women say that reducing domestic violence and sexual assault should be at the top of any formal efforts taken on behalf of women today. 3

1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.4

1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and / or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide. 5

1 in 3 teens reports knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, slapped, choked or physically hurt by his / her partner. 6

Women of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner.7

37% of all women who sought care in hospital emergency rooms for violence–related injuries were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. 8

Some estimates say almost 1 million incidents of violence occur against a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend per year. 9

For 30% of women who experience abuse, the first incident occurs during pregnancy.10

As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy. 11

Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.12

74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while they were at work.13

Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.14 Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfrien d). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners. 14

Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a "family annihilator" -- a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide. Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well, before killing themselves. 14

Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.14

Sources - 1. Henise, L., Ellsberg, M. and Geottemoeller, M. Ending Violence Against Women, Population Reports, Series L, No. 11., December 1999.
2. Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001. February 2003.3. Liz Claiborne Inc., study on Teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.4. Jay G. Silverman, PhD; Anita Raj, PhD; Lorelei A. Mucci, MPH; and Jeannie E. Hathaway, MD, MPH, "Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy , and Suicidality, " Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, No. 5, 2001. 5. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey, August 1995.6. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003.7. US. Department of Justice, Violence? Related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments, August 1997.8. US Department of Justice9. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women's Health, May 1999.10. Helton et al 1987.11. Gazmararian JA, Petersen R, Spitz AM, Goodwin MM, Saltzman LE, Marks JS. "Violence and reproductive health; current knowledge and future research directions." Maternal and Child Health Journal 2000; 4(2):79-84 12. Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States. 2003. Center for disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Atlanta, GA/ 13. Family Violence Prevention Fund. 1998. The Workplace Guide for Employer, Unions, and Advocates, San Francisco, CA. 14. Violence Policy Center (VPC), American Roulette: Murder-Suicide in the United States, April 2006

Hijab vs Non hijab

Many a people ask me a question as why Muslim women cover up themselves in Hijab/Veil...and here comes the fantabulous answer that helps us understand the importance of Hijab (Purdah - BURKHA- VEIL)... Here comes the simplest way of demonstrating the importance of it... Could it be anyway better than this?

Mistakes made when visiting the Prophets Mosque

Mistakes made when visiting the Prophets Mosque

We have already described the etiquette for visiting the Mosque of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) .



Some of the haraam things that some visitors do, to which attention should be drawn, include the following:



-1-

Praying (making duaa) to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or calling him, or seeking his help, as some of them say, “O Messenger of Allaah, heal my sick loved one; O Messenger of Allaah, pay off my debt; you are the means, you are the fulfillment of my need,” and other words which imply shirk and which are the opposite of Tawheed which is the right of Allaah over His slave.





-2-

Standing before the grave in a posture of prayer, placing the right hand on top of the left over ones chest or below it. This is a haraam action, because this is a posture of humility and worship which we are only permitted to do for Allaah.





-3-

Bowing or prostrating at the grave, which is actions we are only permitted to do for Allaah.



It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “It is not appropriate for a human being to bow to another.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 3/158; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 1936, 1937; Irwa al-Ghaleel, 3/158.





-4-

Praying to Allaah at the grave, or believing that duaa offered at the grave will be answered. This is a haraam action because it is something that may lead to shirk. If duaas offered at graves or at the grave of the Prophet were better and more correct and more beloved to Allaah, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have encouraged us to do that, because he did not leave anything that will bring us close to Paradise but he urged his ummah to do it. Because he did not do that, we know that it is an action that is not prescribed in shareeah, and it is an action that is haraam and forbidden.



Abu Yala and al-Haafiz al-Diya narrated in al-Mukhtaarah that Ali ibn al-Husayn (may Allaah be pleased with him) saw a man entering through a gap at the grave of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and making duaa. He told him not to do that and said, “Shall I not tell you a hadeeth that I heard from my father from my grandfather from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? ‘Do not take my grave as a place of festivity (which you visit repeatedly) and do not take your houses as graves. Send blessings upon me for your greeting will reach me no matter where you are.’”

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2042; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1796.





-5-

Some of those who are unable to go to Madeenah send their salaams to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with some visitors, some of whom stand and convey these salaams.



This is an innovated action that has been made up. Those who send salaams and those who convey them should refrain from doing so, because there is no need for that, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Send blessings upon me for your greeting will reach me no matter where you are.”



And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has angels on earth who travel around conveying to me the salaams of my ummah.” Narrated by Ahmad, 1/441; al-Nasaai, 1282; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2170.





-6-

Repeatedly visiting his grave and going there a great deal, such as visiting after every obligatory prayer, or every day after a specific prayer. This is going against the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Do not take my grave as a place of festivity (which you visit repeatedly).”



Ibn Hajar al-Haythami said in Sharh al-Mishkaat: “Eid (translated here as “a place of festivity) is the name of one of the festivals, and it was said that it means returning and repeating, until it becomes a habit [aadah]. What is meant is: do not make my grave a place to which you have the habit of coming back repeatedly and often. Hence he said, ‘Send blessings upon me for your greeting will reach me no matter where you are,’ because that is sufficient and there is no need to visit his grave frequently.”



In the book al-Jaami lil-Bayaan by Ibn Rushd it says: “Maalik (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a stranger who comes to the grave of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) each day. He said, ‘That is not right,’ and quoted the hadeeth, ‘O Allaah, do not make my grave an idol that is worshipped.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Tahdheer al-Saajid min Ittikhaadh al-Quboor Masaajid, p. 24-26.



Ibn Rushd said: “So he regarded it as makrooh to pass by it a great deal to send salaam on him, and to come there every day, lest the grave become like a mosque to which people come every day to pray. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade that when he said, ‘O Allaah, do not make my mosque an idol.’” See al-Bayaan wa’l-Tahseel by Ibn Rushd, 18/444-445.



Al-Qaadi Iyaad was asked about people of Madeenah who stand by the grave one or more times a day, and they send salaams and make duaa for a while. He said, “I have not heard of this from any of the fuqaha, and nothing is good for the latter generations of this ummah except that which was good for its first generations. I have not heard that any of the first generations of the ummah used to do that.” Al-Shifa bi Ta’reef Huqooq al-Mustafa, 2/676.





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Turning to face the grave from all sides of the mosque, or turning to face it whenever one enters the mosque or finishes a prayer, and putting ones hands on ones sides and inclining the head when sending salaams upon him, All of these are widespread and well-known innovations (bid’ah) which go against shareeah.



Fear Allaah, O slaves of Allaah, and beware of all innovations and actions that go against sharee’ah. Beware of whims and desires and blind imitation, and follow true guidance. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):



“Is he who is on a clear proof from his Lord, like those for whom their evil deeds that they do are beautified for them, while they follow their own lusts (evil desires)?”

[Muhammad 47:14]



We ask Allaah to guide us and help us to guide others, and to follow the Sunnah of the greatest of the Messengers.





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ZAKAAT… for UNITED ISLAMIC AID

ZAKAAT… for UNITED ISLAMIC AID

Dear Brother / Sister in Islam,
Assalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

Zakaat is one of the five pillars of Islam. It helps provide economic justice in society. Allah (swt) and His Messenger Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) instruct us that Zakaat purifies our wealth, so that it may increase more in a Halaal way. Your needy Muslim brothers and sisters deserve your Zakaat.

A pair of hands can support but a few. But when hundreds of thousands of helping hands come together… unitedly they can transform the face of society.

We, at the Islamic Research Foundation, invite people of revolutionary vision to uplift the state of the Muslim Ummah by joining hands and participating in the “United Islamic Aid”, a ‘Baitul Maal’, to club our Zakaat money systematically and open up an effective horizon of hope for our many underpriviledged Muslim brothers and sisters.

We do not ask for huge amounts or all of the Zakaat that you should give, but just a commitment of a minimum sum of only US Dollars 250/- or Indian Rupees 10,000/- or Saudi Riyals 1000/- or an equivalent amount PER YEAR to become a supporting member of the “United Islamic Aid”, for uplifting our fellow Muslims. If we can unite at least 100,000 such members, we will Insha-Allah collect a minimum of 25 Million US Dollars, which is a 100 Crore Indian Rupees, PER YEAR.

With this unique well-organized central treasury, a ‘Baitul Maal’, called the “United Islamic Aid”, under my personal supervision, we can change the lives of so many unfortunate Muslims for the better… in a more dynamic and organized way. Wouldn’t you like to be a member of this ‘Baitul Maal’ revolution to help our deserving and needy Muslim brothers and sisters more effectively and efficiently?

If so, you and your family members can become members of the “United Islamic Aid” by contributing your Zakaat by Cheque / Demand Draft / Cash to “IRF United Islamic Aid”, 56/58 Tandel Street (N), Dongri, Mumbai - 400009, India, or by Bank Transfer to A/c No. 00120200000949, IFSC-DCBL 0000001. Development Credit Bank, Mumbai Main Office, Mumbai, India, and kindly inform us of the same. You may visit ou r website www.irfuia.org or kindly telephone Brother Manzoor Shaikh on 0091-22-23736875 for questions or clarifications.

Eagerly looking forward to your kind and positive response, Insha-Allah.
Yours brotherly in the service of Islam,

Dr. Zakir Abdul Karim Naik
Servant of Allah

For more details, Kindly visit - http://irfuia.org/

Biamillah ki Fazeelat (Urdu)

Debate : Sri Sri Ravishankar & Dr. Zakir Naik

THE LAST TWO SURAH OF SURAH AL-BAQARAH

Sayyiduna Abu Masud Alansari (RadhiAllaho anho) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: He who recites the last two verses of Surah Al-Baqarah at night, these will suffice for him. { Tirmidhi } Note: These two verses will suffice means: 1. He will be protected from every evil throughout the night. 2. The reward of reciting these two verses will be as much as that of Tahajjud. ( Nawawi )

The Annual Muslim Fashion Show called Eid Prayer

In the name of Allah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate

"May the Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon You"

Praise be to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu

The Annual Muslim Fashion Show called Eid Prayer

By Asma bint Shameem

Subhaan Allaah! Eid seems to be becoming more and more bizarre with each passing year!

You can't help but notice that when you look at everyone who shows up for the annual (well, actually twice yearly) Muslim fashion show, also known as the 'Eid prayer!
Just one look at the sisters and you'll know what I mean....beautifully made up faces, salon done hair, shimmering clothes and glittering jewelry, not to mention the sleeveless shirts, stilettos, and waves after waves of perfume!
Subhaan Allaah!
Is this what Eid is all about ??!!

Is this what a whole month of fasting teaches us ?!!
Is this what we learn after contemplating the Qur'aan ??!!

I DONT THINK SO!!!

Yet, it seems like we completely missed the very essence of Ramadaan and the beautiful message it teaches us.

Allaah says in Surah al-Baqarah

"O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)".

Ask yourself this…..Is this the way of the Muttaqoon??

Eid or no Eid, aren't we women supposed to cover ourselves and dress modestly in front of non-Mahram men??

Didn't we read this order of Allaah in the Qur'aan to the believing women??

Didn't the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) say:

"Any woman who puts on perfume and passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance, is an adulteress." (al-Nasaa'i, al-Tirmidhi: hasan by al-Albaani)

Did we forget that the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said: "There are two types of the people of Hell whom I have not seen…..women who are clothed yet naked, going astray and leading others astray, with their heads looking like the humps of camels, leaning to one side. They will not enter Paradise nor even smell its fragrance, although its fragrance may be detected from such and such a distance." (Muslim).

These sisters need to realize that they are being sinful in more than one way:

Not only are these sisters being sinful themselves dressing this way, by openly defying the direct order of Allaah to cover and dress modestly, but they also share a part of the sin when they make the brothers look at them by dressing inappropriately. And they also set a distorted, misleading example for all the young girls who come for the Eid prayer, giving them the impression that its OK to dress like that.

The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

"Whoever calls people to misguidance will have a burden of sin like that of those who follow him, without it detracting from their burden in the slightest." (Muslim)

And what about the Eid Khutbah??

If you ask most of the sisters what the khateeb said, they wouldn't have the slightest idea whatsoever.

Anybody guess WHY???

Because they are so busy chatting and yapping away….THATS why!

Did we come to the Eid prayer to pray or to socialize?

Sure, we are all happy to see our friends and family and want to wish them 'Eid Mubarak' and make plans to get together. But, aren't we supposed to listen quietly to the Eid Khutbah first and be thankful to Allaah for enabling us to fast and guiding us?

Allaah says:

"Allah intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you. (He wants that you) must complete the same number (of days of fasting), and that you must magnify Allah for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him." (Baqarah:185)

And yes, Eid is a celebration for us and we should rejoice and be happy. But that doesn't mean that we forget the laws of Allaah and lose all the hard work and effort we put in the last 30 days just for a few hours of 'looking good' in front of others.

The million dollar question is….DO WE LOOK GOOD IN FRONT OF ALLAAH??!!!

What excuse will we have in front of Him regarding our inappropriate behavior….flirting with the opposite sex, the smiles and the looks, the loud music?!!

How can we use our eyes and ears and mind and body to disobey the One who gave us all these blessings in the first place?!!

And right after Ramadaan!!!

My dear brothers and sisters, there is much more to Eid than dressing up and hanging out with friends.

Reflect on what has gone and what is to come.

How can we think that Eid Prayer is the time to let our guards down and stop performing good deeds?

Let's not throw away all of the good deeds that we have gained during the blessed month of Ramadan. Think of ways to multiply your deeds well into the year and continue to improve. Let's celebrate, talk, wear make-up, and dress up on Eid. But let's do it in our homes and in our private parties.

Eid is a time to give thanks to Allaah for his mercy and generosity….it's a time to be humble and obedient. Let's go to the Eid Prayer with the intention of submission to the Almighty, doing only those things that would please Him.

Look at what one of the righteous people said when they passed by some people who were engaged in idle entertainment on the day of Eid:

"If you did well in Ramadaan, this is not the way to give thanks for that. If you did badly in Ramadaan, this is not the way that the one who did badly should behave."

Remember….

For the Mumin, Eid does not mark the end of righteousness. Rather it is just the beginning….

As-Salaam Walekum

Alvida Ramadan ..........Eid Celebrations - What TO Do and NOT to do on Eid Day

In the name of Allah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate

"May the Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon You"

Praise be to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu

~ Alwida Ramadan ~

~ A time of Sadness and Joy ~
Dear Brothers and sisters in faith,

Ramadan is drawing to a close and we anticipate the arrival of Eid-ul-Fitr, the holiday at the end of the month of Ramadan. This is a time of sadness and a time of joy.
Sadness that the blessed month has to end and joy that we hope to have offered our best during the month, and hope that it will be accepted by Allah and that we will be rewarded.
It is also a time of sadness as the world’s crises continue to increase. While we have fasted to gain God-consciousness, self-restraint and piety, we have also felt short-term hunger and thirst. Many of our fellow human beings, Muslims and non-Muslims around the world feel hunger and thirst every day.
Alhumdulillah, we are blessed with ample supplies of food and clean drinking water. Yet we know millions of people around the globe live in refugee camps or worse, hoping for a crumb of bread and a drink of water.
War and sanctions, drought and disease, some things within our control, others not in our control, have combined to bring about these catastrophes. As humans and especially as Muslims, we must reach out to change the fortunes of those unfortunate masses that are struggling to stay alive.
If we can offer donations, we must do so. If we can work to lift sanctions, we must do so. If we can offer technology or expertise to find and supply water, we must do so. And if we cannot do any of this, we must offer dua (supplication or prayers) for our fellow humans around the globe and perhaps even in our neighborhoods.
Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, says in the Qur'an: "And your LORD says: "Call on Me; I will answer your call (Prayer):" (Ghafir : 60)
For those who must pay zakat (alms), Ramadan, particularly these concluding days, is a good time to do so.
Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, tells us who is eligible to receive alms in the Noble Qur'an:
"Alms are for the poor and the needy, and those employed to administer the (funds); for those whose hearts have been (recently) reconciled (to the truth); for those in bondage and in debt; in the cause of Allah; and for the wayfarer: (thus is it) ordained by Allah, and Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom." (At-Tawbah : 60)
During this month of generosity and sharing, let us each do our part to make sure next year Ramadan finds humanity in a better position than this year.
As we welcome Eid-ul-Fitr and give thanks for the blessings we have, the great month we are completing and looking forward to a prosperous Eid, let us carry the lessons we gained from Ramadan throughout the year so we maintain our focus on Taqwa and pleasing Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala.
We ask Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, to accept the efforts of all who fasted and enlivened their nights with salat (prayer) and Dhikr (remembrance of ALLAH), to grant us forgiveness and to blanket us with His Mercy and to guide us throughout the coming year.
We wish everyone a prosperous Eid "Eid Mubarak" and may we all be granted the privilege of witnessing Ramadan next year.. Insha'Allah.. Many happy returns!

Eid Celebrations

For every people there is a feast and this is our feast," said the Prophet to Abu Bakr [Bukhaari and Muslim]. "Our feast" has a great meaning for Muslims because it tells us that these are our own and derived from our Sharee'ah alone. Since holidays are usually based on religious traditions, it is very import ant that we demonstrate our celebrations with great joy and gathering to make us feel that they are our own, and to feel that they are different from the Mushriks' holidays. We do not celebrate Christmas, Hanukah or any other pagan festival s and our thanks are given to Allaah (T) alone.
Isla'am teaches Muslims how to celebrate the Eids. On these days, the Muslims take a bath and wear their best clothes. Even though fasting is not permitted on the Eid days, yet, the major part of the celebration is not eating or drinking - rather, it is a prayer that brings Muslims together to remember Allaah's bounties and celebrate His glory and greatness.

For other nations, a holiday is a chance to immerse in worldly pleasures, or to involve oneself in prohibited acts to the utmost. Not so for Muslims! For Muslims, the Eid is an occasion to increase in good deeds. Each Eid marks the conclusion of an important worship, and the determination to continue in obedience and submission to Allaah (SWT). In moments of extreme pleasure or sadness, a Muslim never forgets his Lord's greatness, might, glory, and watchfulness (SWT). A Muslim's actions are always controlled by this continued remembrance and awareness. Thus the Eid is not an occasion to take a vacation from Isla'amic responsibilities and commitments, or to waste time and money in extravagance. It is not "fun for the sake of fun". Rather, it is controlled and directed rejoicing that is of ultimate and definite benefit for the Muslim. The Eid is a chance to multiply good deeds by bringing happiness and pleasure to the hearts of other Muslims, by helping and supporting the poor and needy, and by getting involved in pastimes that emphasize the strong and serious Isla'amic character.

What to do on Eid Day

1. It is Sunnah to dress in the best clothes on Eid. It was narrated that Ibn Umar used to do that along with other Companions of the Prophet [pbuh] . [Fath al-Baaree]

2. It is a must (Waajib) to pray Eid Prayer. The Prophet [pbuh] and his Companions never ceased doing it, and they even gathered the people for it including women who were having their menses, children and the elderly. [Bukhari and Muslim]

3. It is Sunnah to say Takbeer loudly when leaving our homes to go to Eid Prayer. The Prophet [pbuh] used to say this until he finished the Prayer. [Silsilat Al-ahadeeth As-Sahiha]

4. The Sunnah for Eid Prayers is to pray in the Musallah (that is in an uncovered place) and not in the Masjid. The Prophet [pbuh] never prayed Eid Prayer in the Masjid. Abu Sa'eed reported: "The Prophet used to go on the day of Eid -al-Fitr and Eid-al-Adhaa to the Musallah, and the first thing he did was to pray." [Bukhaari and Muslim]

5. Neither Adhaan nor Iqaamah are pronounced for Eid Prayer. [Muslim]

6. Ibn Abbaas reported: "The Prophet [pbuh] prayed two Rakaahs for the Eid prayer and did not pray before it or after it." [Bukhaari]

7. Jabir reported: "The Prophet [pbuh] used to come back from Eid-al-Fitr on a path other than the one used in going to it." [Bukhaari]

8. It is permitted to listen to songs (without musical instruments) on Eid day especially for children. [Bukhaari and Muslim]

What NOT to do on Eid Day

1. To shave the beards especially for Eid. The Prophet [pbuh] has ordered us not to shave our beards; so it is a shame that, on this great day of demonstrating our differences in ceremonies to those of the Mushriks, that some Muslim shaves his beard so that he looks "clean" like the Mushriks.

2. To imitate the Mushriks in their practices and dress, and to shake hands with women. The Prophet [pbuh] said: "It is better that a man is hit with needle on his head than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him." [Silsilat al-Ahadeeth as-Sahiha]

3. To listen to music on Eid. The Prophet [pbuh] said: "There will be some in my nation who will regard adultery, men dressing in silk, drinking intoxicants (al-Khamr), and musical instruments to be lawful." [Bukhaari, Abu Dawood and Bayhaqee]

4. For women not to wear Hijaab. To do so is to celebrate Eid while committing a major sin.

5. To visit the graveyard especially on Eid. It is permitted to visit the graveyard all year long so we should not make a special case out of it on Eid.

6. To waste money and being extravagant with food instead of giving them to the poor.

http://www.masjidibrahim.org/articles/worship/eid_celebrations.htm

Also Download and Read

Eid Etiquette and Rulings.pdf

As-Salaam Walekum

Raat ko Sote Waqt ke Amaliyat (Urdu)

Utilize your Time (Short Story)

A nice lesson you must read it.


Since last night my young son has been unwell. When I got back from Work this evening I decided to take him to hospital despite my exhaustion.

There were many people waiting; perhaps we will be delayed by more than an hour. I took my number and sat down in the waiting room. There were many faces, young and old, but all silent. Some brothers made use of the many booklets available in the waiting room. Some of those waiting had their eyes closed, while others were looking around. Most were bored. Once in a while the long silence was broken by a nurse calling out a number. Happiness appears on the one whose turn it is, and he gets up quickly; then silence returns.

A young man grabbed my attention. He was reading a pocket-sized Qur`an continuously; not raising his head even once. At first I did not think much about him. However, after one hour of waiting my casual glances turned into a deep reflection about his lifestyle and how he utilizes his time. One hour of life wasted! Instead of making benefit of that hour, it was just a boring wait. Then the call for prayer was made. We went to prayer in the hospital's Masjid. I tried to pray close to the man who was reading the Qur'an earlier in the waiting room.

After the prayer I walked with him. I informed him of how impressed I was of him and how he tries to benefit from his time. He told me that most of our time is wasted without any benefit. These are days that go from our lives without being conscious of them or regretting their waste. He said that he started carrying the pocket-sized Qur`an around when a friend encouraged him to make full use of his time. He told me that in the time other people waste he gets to read much more of the Qur`an than he gets to read either at home or in the masjid. Moreover, besides the reward of reading the Qur`an, this habit saves him from boredom and stress.

He added that he has now been waiting for one and a half hours. Then he asked, when will you find one and a half hours to read the Qur`an? I reflected; How much time do we waste? How many moments of our lives pass by, and yet we do not account for how they passed by? Indeed, how many months pass by and we do not read the Qur`an? I came to respect my companion, and I discovered that I am to stand for account and that time is not in my hand; so what am I waiting for?

My thoughts were interrupted by the nurse calling out my number; I went to the doctor. But I want to achieve something now. After I left the hospital I quick ly went to the bookshop and bought a pocket-sized Qur`an. I decided to be mindful of how I spend the time.
If this information is beneficial to you, then please do forward it to your friends and relatives. Our Prophet (Sallallaahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said; "Whoever guides or directs to good, then he gets the same amount of blessing (reward) as the one who does it"

The Prophet (Sallallaahu 'Alaihi Wasallam) also said "Pass on knowledge from me even if it is only one verse"

Ramzan ke Dusre aur Teesre Ashre ki dua

Mother's Advice to her Daughter for Marriage

Mother's Advice to her Daughter for Marriage

As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barkatuh
Mother's Advice To Her Daughter For Marriage

`Abd al-Malik (RA) said: "When `Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn `Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:

`O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

`O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

`O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

`Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
`The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

`The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

`The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

`The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

`The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

`Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

`Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

`Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you."

Jamharah Khutah al-`Arab, 1/145