Samet kar le jaa apni yadon ke adhure kisse, Agli chahat mein tujhe inki bhi zarurat hogi.....

Hazrat Salih (pbuh) and People of Thamud

In the name of Allaah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate
 
Bismillaah Walhamdulillaah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillaah
As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu
 
 


Salih (pbuh)
Description of the People of Thamud
After the destruction of the Ad, the tribe of Thamud succeeded them in power and glory. They also fell to idol worshipping. As their material wealth increased so, too, did their evil ways while their virtue decreased. Like the people of Ad, they erected huge buildings on the plains and hewed beautiful homes out of the hills. Tyranny and oppression became prevalent as evil men ruled the land.

Description of Salih
So Allaah sent unto them His Prophet Salih , a man from among them.

He called his people to worship Allaah alone, and to not associate partners with Him. While some of them believed him, the majority of them disbelieved and harmed him by both words and deeds.
Salih directed them: "0 my people! Worship Allaah, you have no other Ilah (god) but Him."
Surah 11: 61

Salih was known for his wisdom, purity and goodness and had been greatly respected by his people before Allaahs revelation came to him.
Salihs people said to him: "0 Salih! You have been among us as a figure of good hope (and we wished for you to be our chief), till this new thing which you have brought, that we leave our gods and worship your God (Allaah) alone! Do you (now) forbid us the worship of what our fathers have worshiped? But we are really in grave doubt as to that which you invite us to (monotheism)." Surah 11: 62

Salihs People Demand a Miracle
They merely wanted to worship the same gods as their fathers had, with no reason, no proof, no thought. The proof of Salihs message was evident, but despite this it was obvious that most of his people did not believe him. They doubted his words, thinking he was charmed, and they saw that he would not stop preaching.

Fearing that his followers would increase, they tried to put him off by assigning him an important task: to prove that he was a messenger of Allaah by performing a miracle.
Let a unique she-camel issue from the mountains.

Allaah granted Salih this miracle and a huge, unique shecamel appeared from the direction of the mountain. The Qur'aanic commentators said that the people of Thamud gathered on a certain day at their meeting place, and the prophet Salih came and addressed them to believe in Allaah, reminding them of the favors Allaah had granted them.
Then, pointing at a rock, they demanded: "Ask your Lord to make a she-camel - which must be ten months pregnant, tall and attractive - issue from the rock for us."
Salih replied: "Look now! If Allaah sends you what you have requested, just as you have described, will you believe in that which I have come to you with, and have faith in the message I have been sent with?"
They answered: "Yes."
So he took a vow from them on this, then prayed to Allaah the Almighty to grant their request. Allaah ordered the distant rock to split asunder, bringing forth a great ten-month pregnant she-camel. When their set eyes on it, they were amazed. They saw a great thing, a wonderful sight, dazzling power, clear evidence!
A number of Salihs people believed, yet most of them continued in their disbelief, stubbornness and going astray.


Allaah the Almighty said: And We sent the she-camel to Thamud as a clear sign, but they did her wrong. Surah 17: 59 Also:

And verily, the dwellers of Al-Hijr (the rocky tract) denied the Messengers. And We gave them Our Signs, but they were averse to them. Surah 15: 80-81
Stories About the She-camel
There are a number of ancient accounts of this camel and its miraculous nature. It was said that the she-camel was miraculous because a rock in the mountain split open and it came forth from it, followed by its young offspring. Other accounts said that the she-camel used to drink all the water in the wells in one day, and no other animals could approach the water. Still others claimed that the she-camel produced milk sufficient for all the people to drink, on the same day that it drank all the water, leaving none for them

The Disbelievers Hatred for Salih
At first, the people of Thamud were greatly surprised when the she-camel issued from the mountain rocks. It was a blessed camel, its milk sufficient for thousands of men, women and children. If it slept in a place, that place was abandoned by other animals. Thus it was obvious that it was not an ordinary camel, but one of Allaahs signs. It lived among Salihs people, some of whom believed in Allaah while the majority continued in their obstinacy and disbelief.
Their hatred of Salih turned towards the blessed she-camel and became centered on it. A conspiracy started to be hatched against the camel by the disbelievers, and they secretly plotted against it.
Salih feared that they might kill the camel, so he warned them: "0 my people! This she-camel of Allaah is a sign to you, leave her to feed on Allaahs earth, and touch her not with evil, lest a near torment will seize you." Surah 11: 64

For a while, Salihs people let the camel graze and drink freely, but in their hearts they hated it. However, the miraculous appearance of the unique camel caused many to become Salihs followers, and they clung to their belief in Allaah.

The Disbelievers Plot to Kill the She-Camel
The disbelievers now began complaining that this huge she-camel with its unusual qualities drank most of the water and frightened their cattle.

They laid a plot to kill the camel, and sought the help of their women-folk to tempt the men to carry out their commands.
Saduq Bint of Mahya, who was from a rich and noble family, offered herself to a young man named Masrai Ibn Mahraj on condition that he hamstring the camel. Aniza, an old woman, offered one of her daughters to a young man, Qudar Ibn Saluf, in return for killing the camel.
Naturally these young men were tempted and set about finding seven others to assist them.
They watched the camel closely, observing all its movements. As the she-camel came to drink at the well, Masrai shot it in the leg with an arrow. It tried to escape but was hampered by the arrow. Qudar followed the camel and struck it with a sword in the other leg. As it fell to the ground, he pierced it with his sword.

Salih Warns of a Punishment
The killers were given a heros welcome, cheered with songs and poetry composed in their praise. In their arrogance they mocked Salih, but he warned them: "Enjoy life for three more days then the punishment will descend upon you." Salih was hoping that they would see the folly of their ways and change their attitude before the three days were out.

"Why three days?" they asked. "Let the punishment come as quickly as possible."
He pleaded with them: "My people, why do you hasten to evil rather than good? Why do you not ask pardon of Allah so that you may receive mercy?"
They replied: "We see your presence and that of your followers as bringing evil on us."


Almighty Allaah related their story: And indeed We sent to Thamud their brother Salih, saying: "Worship Allaah (Alone and none else)." Then look! They became two parties (believers and disbelievers) quarreling with each other.
He said: "0 my people! Why do you seek to hasten the evil (torment) before the good (Allaahs Mercy)? Why seek you not the Forgiveness of Allaah, that you may receive mercy?" They said: "We augur ill omen from you and those with you." He said: "Your ill omen is with Allaah; nay, but you are a people that are being tested." Surah 27: 45-47

The Disbelievers Plot Against Salih
And there were in the city nine men (from the sons of their chiefs), who made mischief in the land, and would not reform. They said: "Swear one to another by Allaah that we shall make a secret night attack on him and his household, and afterwards we will surely say to his near relatives: We witnessed not the destruction of his household, and verily! We are telling the truth."

Surah 27: 48-49

"So they plotted a plot, and We planned a plan, while they perceived not." Then see how was the end of their plot! Verily! We destroyed them and their nation, all together. These are their houses in utter ruin, for they did wrong. Verily, in this is indeed an Ayah (a lesson or a sign) for people who know. And We saved those who believed, and used to fear and obey Allaah. .
Surah 27: 50-53.
Allaah saved Salih and his followers from their wicked plans. Heavy-hearted, they left the evil-doers and moved to another place.

The Punishment
Three days after Salihs warning, thunderbolts filled the air, followed by severe earthquakes which destroyed the entire tribe and its homeland. The land was violently shaken, destroying all living creatures in it. There was one terrific cry which had hardly ended when the disbelievers of Salihs people were struck dead, one and all, at the same time. Neither their strong buildings nor their rock-solid homes could protect them.

Salihs Story - A Condensed Quranic Version
Allaah the Exalted said: And to Thamud (people We sent) their brother Salih. He said: "0 my people! Worship Allaah, you have no other Ilah (god) but Him (none has the right to be worshiped but Allaah). Indeed there has come to you a clear sign (the miracle of the coming out of a huge she-camel from the midst of a rock) from your Lord. This she-camel of Allaah is a sign unto you; so you leave her to graze in Allaahs earth, and touch her not with harm, lest a painful torment should seize you. And remember when He made you successors after Ad (people) and gave you habitations in the land, you build for yourselves palaces in plains, and carve out homes in the mountains. So remember the graces (bestowed upon you) from Allaah, and do not go about making mischief on the earth."

The leaders of those who were arrogant among his people said to those who were counted weak - to such of them as believed: "Know you that Salih is one sent from his Lord." They said: "We indeed believe in that with which he has been sent." Those who were arrogant said: "Verily, we disbelieve in that which you believe in.
So they killed the she-camel and insolently defied the Commandment of their Lord, and said: "0 Salih! Bring about your threats if you are indeed one of the Messengers (of Allaah)." So the earthquake seized them, and they lay (dead), prostrate in their homes. Then he (Salih) turned from them, and said: "0 my people! I have indeed conveyed to you the Message of my Lord, and have given you good advice but you like not good advisers." Surah 7: 73-79
All were destroyed before they realized what was happening. As for the people who believed in the message of Salih , they were saved because they had left the place.

Hadith About People of Thamud
Ibn Umar narrated that while the Prophet Muhammad (saws) was passing by Thamuds houses on his way to the battle of Tabuk, he stopped together with the people there. The people fetched water from the wells from which the people of Thamud used to drink. They prepared their dough (for baking) and filled their water-skins from it (the water from the wells). The Prophet of Allaah(saws) ordered them to empty the water-skins and give the prepared dough to the camels. Then he went away with them until they stopped at the well from which the she-camel (of Salih) used to drink. He warned them against entering upon the people that had been punished, saying: "I fear that you may be affected by what afflicted them; so do not enter upon them."


source : http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Articles/Prophet/salih.htm

museebat se chhutkare ki duaa ( Duaa to be recited when in big problem)

Waste not - want not ! ~ ( Please do not waste the food )

Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barkatuh Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala says; "..and eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not those who waste by extravagance". [Al Qur'an: Surah Al-Ar'af-7:31] Waste Not - Want Not!   15% of the world has more than enough to eat, only 60% of the world's people have just enough to eat, and 25% of the people in the world do not have enough to eat.   20 million people die annually in the world because of hunger and its effects. It is estimated that one billion people in the world suffer from hunger and malnutrition, and Three-fourths of the deaths are children under the age of five.   Think it or not, Food is a rich resource, and too often taken for granted. It is a great blessing of Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. It is only from the Great Mery of our Ever-Merciful Lord than we are able to open a fridge, and see it filled with food to eat. With the abundance of food available, though, especially in the west with all the food mountains (stored surplus foods); it is only too easy to waste this precious gift. Islam places great emphasis on making good use of our resources, and not wasting excessively. Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala commands us not to waste by excess; "It is He (Allah) Who produceth gardens, with trellises and without, and dates, and tilth with produce of all kinds, and olives and pomegranates, similar (in kind) and different (in variety): eat of their fruit in their season, but render the dues that are proper on the day that the harvest is gathered. But waste not by excess: for Allah loveth not the wasters." [surah al An'am; 6: 141] Ibn Kathir mentions that this ayah means do not waste in eating because this spoils the mind and the body. The Prophet (Sall'Allahu alaihi wasallam) said; Eat, drink and clothe yourselves without extravagance or arrogance. [sahih al-Bukhari] We shall all be accountable for everything that we do; including what we have eaten, and what we have wasted. Extravagance in all things is something that is blameworthy, and something that we should be conscious of. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala says; "..and eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not those who waste by extravagance". [surah al-Ar'af; 7:31] And the Prophet (Sall'Allahu alaihi wasallam) said: "The son of Adam does not fill any vessel worse than his stomach; for the son of Adam a few mouthfuls are sufficient to keep his back straight. If you must fill it, then one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air." [at-Tirmidhi, 2380, 1939, ibn Majah, 3349] Umar (radiAllahu anhu) said: By Allah, if I wanted I could wear the finest clothes among you, and eat the best food, and have the most luxurious life. But I heard that Allah will condemned people for some of their actions and said: "You received your good things in the life of the world, and you took your pleasure therein. Now this Day you shall be recompensed with a torment of humiliation, because you were arrogant in the land without a right, and because you used to rebel against Allah's Command (disobey Allah)" [surah al-Ahqaf; 46:20] From heaping mounds of pasta to pizzas and all-you-can-eat buffets, the prevailing philosophy (in the Western, Capitalist world) generally appears to be: Load up the platters. The more food the better. The common restaurant (and sadly home) attitude, with such abundances in food seems to be: Never mind if you can't clean your plate. Wasting food is "the" way - there's more where that came from. "Waste not, want not" is meant for people in other, less fortunate countries and cultures. Recent studies on obesity point an accusing finger at large portions in foods as one of the culprits responsible for the world's expanding waistlines. Portions and amounts that individuals not only don't need, but that are potentially dangerous for their health. Its a depressing fact to realise JUST how much the world's precious resources are abused and wasted to such an excess, and how many people in the dunya are suffering because of a lack of food. Sufyan al-Thawri (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If you want your body to be healthy and to sleep less, then eat less. Al-Hakim narrated that Abu Juhayfah (RadiAllahu anhu) said: The Messenger of Allah (Sall'Allahu alaihi wasallam) said: "The more people eat their fill in this world, the more hungry they will be on the Day of Resurrection." Below are a list of options one may take in order to try and not to be extrvagant and waste food unnecessarily: ~ Eat less We are aware of the hadith of the Prophet (Sall'Allahu alaihi wasallam)  of filling our stomachs with 1/3 of food and 1/3 of water. ~ Eat less portions Instead of piling your plate with food, pour in a little, and complete that before ending up with left-overs later on. Once the food is dumped in the dust-bin (garbage), then it is lost forever. ~ Donate food Inevitablely, especially in the Western world, food is left over. If not from Eid, then from Dinners and masjid functions and so on. If you cannot keep whatever is left over for too long, then why not try donating food discards to food banks, soup kitchens and shelters. ~ It is a beautiful and easy way for communities to divert food discards, and insha'Allah help your local community. In the Hereafter, charity could be the reason for protecting oneself from Hell-Fire even if it was as small as a piece of date! Remember the hadith, where Muhammad (Sall'Allahu alaihi wasallam) said; "There will be none among you but will be talked to by Allah on the Day of Resurrection, without there being an interpreter between him and Allah. He will look and see nothing ahead of him, and then he will look (again) in front of him, and (only) the Hell Fire will confront him. So, whoever among you can save himself from the Fire, should do so even with one half of a date (ie. if all what you can give as charity is one half of a date)" Indeed, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has praised those who make a constant right in their wealth for the poor and has promised them multiplied rewards for their charity. He, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala says, "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply it many times?" [surah al-Baqarah; 245] ~ Feed animals Another traditional way to divert food waste is to feed it to livestock, or birds. There are many birds, alhamdulilah, and they can easily eat bits of bread, and nuts which otherwise would be wasted. ~ Farmers may be able to provide storage containers and low-cost pick-up services for those discards which may be piled up. ~ Even for animals, waste isnt natural. A waste to one species is food or a resource to another, Subhan'Allah! ~ Recycle and Compost Composting is a more complicated yet effective food waste reduction process. Discarded food can easily be piled at the back of the graden/yard in containers, together with leaves and cut grass to eventually make compost which is great for gardening and the envioronment. ~ Cook! Even left-overs can be turned into a new, delicious dish, sometimes even better than the original meal for which it was used for! ~ Use it for cosmetics Alhamdulilah, many foods are increasingly being used for helping the health and beauty. There are many health benefits from the use of food - including Olives, Honey and Figs. Thus, many foods which may be rotting away, could rather be used for and on your face as a moisturiser, or exfoliator, cream, and so on. ~ Organise Organise a food drive (invite muslims and raise awareness) and donate food to a local food bank, shelter or soup kitchens. ~ Lectures Plan tours of food recovery facilities or arrange for knowledgeable speakers to increase community and ummah awareness of hunger and poverty problems, and what people are doing to address them. Our Lord! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the chastisement of the fire

__.

 

You are the Master piece......

( When you are feeling Low, Life feels worthless, When it seems that nobody likes you, Then this article is for you )

"A plum once said, 'just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana.
Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange.
When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes.
Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many times that I no more know who I am.
How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.'

Just because a group of people do not accept you as you are, there is no necessity for you to strip yourself off your originality.
You need to think Good of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate.
Never stoop down in order to gain recognition.
Never let go of your true self to win a relationship.
In the long run, you will regret that you traded your greatest Glory - your uniqueness, for momentary validation.
Even Gandhi was not accepted by many people.
The group that does not accept you as YOU is not Your world.

There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king /queen
by just being yourself.
Find that world... In fact, that world will find You.

What water can do, gasoline cannot and what copper can, gold cannot.
The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables
it to stay rooted.
Everything and everybody has been designed with a Proportion of uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfil only by being our unique self.
You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I Alone can serve my purpose. You are here to be you... Just YOU.

In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinity of time to come, there will be no one like you.
Existence should have loved you so much that it broke the mould after making you, so that another of your kind will never get repeated.

You are original. You are rare. You are unique. You are a wonder. You are a masterpiece. .. Your Master's piece. Celebrate your Uniqueness."

You are you, your own self, don't change for others, for this is NOT even their world.

To Be Thankful.....

The mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by
friends.
 
The taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed.
 
The clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to
eat.
 
My shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
 
A lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need
fixing because it means I have a home.
 
All the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have
freedom of speech.
 
The space I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am
capable of walking.
 
My huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
 
The piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
 
Weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have
been productive.
 
The alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I'm
alive.
 
Getting too much email bogs me down but at least I know I have friends who
are thinking of me.
 
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when The alarm rings, thank you,
God, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
 
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as
possible, thank you, God, that I can see. Many are blind.
 
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising, thank you God, that I
have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
 
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast
is burned and tempers are short, thank you, God, for My family. There are
many who are lonely.
 
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines
and the menu is at times unbalanced, thank  you, God, for the food we have.
There are many who are hungry;
 
Even though the routine of my job often is hard, thank you, God, for the
opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.
 
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my
circumstances were not so modest, thank you, God, for life.
 
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift.

A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy, and Grace
 and makes the world we live in A Better and Happier Place.

Na Tu Zameen ke liye....( Sad Ghazal)

Na tu zameen ke liye hai na asman ke liye,

tera wajud hai ab sirf dastan ke liye..

palat ke soo-e-chaman dekhne se kya hoga,

wo shakh hi na rahi jo thi ashiyan ke liye,

na tu zameen ke liye hai na asman ke liye

Garaz parast jahan mein wafa talash na kar,

ye shai bani thi kisi dusre jahan ke liye,

tera wajud hai ab sirf dastan ke liye.....

Dua when tired of life...

Tired of life ???

Due to difficulty death is sought but one should never pray for death instead pray this:

اللَّهُمَّ أَحْيِنِي مَا كَانَتِ الْحَيَاةُ خَيْرٌ لِي وَتَوَفَّنِي إِذَا كَانَتِ الْوَفَاةُ خَيْرَاً لِي

"O Allah keep me alive as long as is good for me and when death is better for me lift me".

(Mishkat)

________________________________


When one's heart is filled with emotions and sadness

Recite:

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ عَلَى كُلِّ حَالٍ

"Allah is deserving (worthy) of praise under all circumstances". (Hisnul Hasin from Ibn Maja)

Ruling on celebrating non-Muslim holidays and congratulating them

Can a muslim celebrate a non muslim holiday like Thanksgiving / Christmas / Holi / Diwali etc.?

Praise be to Allaah.

Greeting the kuffaar on Christmas and other religious holidays of theirs is haraam, by consensus, as Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah: "Congratulating the kuffaar on the rituals that belong only to them is haraam by consensus, as is congratulating them on their festivals and fasts by saying 'A happy festival to you' or 'May you enjoy your festival,' and so on. If the one who says this has been saved from kufr, it is still forbidden. It is like congratulating someone for prostrating to the cross, or even worse than that. It is as great a sin as congratulating someone for drinking wine, or murdering someone, or having illicit sexual relations, and so on. Many of those who have no respect for their religion fall into this error; they do not realize the offensiveness of their actions. Whoever congratulates a person for his disobedience or bid'ah or kufr exposes himself to the wrath and anger of Allaah."

Congratulating the kuffaar on their religious festivals is haraam to the extent described by Ibn al-Qayyim because it implies that one accepts or approves of their rituals of kufr, even if one would not accept those things for oneself. But the Muslim should not aceept the rituals of kufr or congratulate anyone else for them, because Allaah does not accept any of that at all, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

"If you disbelieve, then verily, Allaah is not in need of you, He likes not disbelief for His slaves. And if you are grateful (by being believers), He is pleased therewith for you. . ."
[al-Zumar 39:7]

". . . This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islaam as your religion . . ."
[al-Maa'idah 5:3]

So congratulating them is forbidden, whether they are one's colleagues at work or otherwise.

If they greet us on the occasion of their festivals, we should not respond, because these are not our festivals, and because they are not festivals which are acceptable to Allaah. These festivals are innovations in their religions, and even those which may have been prescribed formerly have been abrogated by the religion of Islaam, with which Allaah sent Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the whole of mankind. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever seeks a religion other than Islaam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers." [Aal 'Imraan 3:85]

It is haraam for a Muslim to accept invitations on such occasions, because this is worse than congratulating them as it implies taking part in their celebrations.

Similarly, Muslims are forbidden to imitate the kuffaar by having parties on such occasions, or exchanging gifts, or giving out sweets or food, or taking time off work, etc., because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever imitates a people is one of them." Shaykh al-Islaam Ibn Taymiyah said in his book Iqtidaa' al-siraat al-mustaqeem mukhaalifat ashaab al-jaheem: "Imitating them in some of their festivals implies that one is pleased with their false beliefs and practices, and gives them the hope that they may have the opportunity to humiliate and mislead the weak."

Whoever does anything of this sort is a sinner, whether he does it out of politeness or to be friendly, or because he is too shy to refuse, or for whatever other reason, because this is hypocrisy in Islaam, and because it makes the kuffaar feel proud of their religion.

Allaah is the One Whom we ask to make the Muslims feel proud of their religion, to help them adhere steadfastly to it, and to make them victorious over their enemies, for He is the Strong and Omnipotent.

Majmoo'ah Fataawa wa Rasaa'il al-Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen, 3/369)

Parween Shakir Ghazals in Urdu ( My Fav - Courtesy to urdumaza.com)

Three Words That Make Relationships Better

Three-Word Phrases, can be tools to help develop every relationship. There are many things that you can do to strengthen your relationships. Often the most effective thing you can do involves saying just three words. When spoken sincerely, these statements often have the power to develop new friendships, deepen old ones and even bring healing to relationships that have soured. The following three-word phrases can be tools to help develop every relationship. ~Let me help: Good friends see a need and then try to fill it. When they see a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they jump in and help out. ~I understand you: People become closer and enjoy each other more when the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know - in so many little ways - that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. And this can apply to any relationship. ~I respect you: Respect is another way of showing love. Respect demonstrates that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become closer friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships. ~I miss you: Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other I miss you. This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how important you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you." ~Maybe you re right: This phrase is very effective in diffusing an argument. The implication when you say maybe you re right is the humility of admitting, maybe Im wrong. Lets face it. When you have an argument with someone, all you normally do is solidify the other persons point of view. They, or you, will not likely change their position and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying maybe you re right can open the door to explore the subject more. You may then have the opportunity to express your view in a way that is understandable to the other person. ~ Please forgive me: Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday. ~ I thank you: Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who dont take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude. Count on me: A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating you can count on me. I ll be there: If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase I ll be there. Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility. ~ Go for it: We are all unique individuals. Dont try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how far out they seem to you. God has given everyone dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to go for it. ~ I love you: Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a persons deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words: I love you. Love is a choice. You can love even when the feeling is gone. Aish - The Fairy Princess

Understanding Depression : Signs, Symptoms, Causes and Help

Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But when emptiness and despair take hold and won't go away, it may be depression. More than just the temporary "blues," the lows of depression make it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Hobbies and friends don't interest you like they used to; you're exhausted all the time; and just getting through the day can be overwhelming. When you're depressed, things may feel hopeless, but with help and support you can get better. But first, you need to understand depression. Learning about depression—including its signs, symptoms, causes, and treatment—is the first step to overcoming the problem.

What is depression?

We all go through ups and downs in our mood. Sadness is a normal reaction to life's struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word "depression" to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness.

Some people describe depression as "living in a black hole" or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—instead, they feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic.

Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief.

Are you depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won't go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

• you can't sleep or you sleep too much
• you can't concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can't control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can't stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

Signs and symptoms of depression

Depression varies from person to person, but there are some common signs and symptoms. It's important to remember that these symptoms can be part of life's normal lows. But the more symptoms you have, the stronger they are, and the longer they've lasted—the more likely it is that you're dealing with depression. When these symptoms are overwhelming and disabling, that's when it's time to seek help.

Common signs and symptoms of depression

• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there's nothing you can do to improve your situation.
• Loss of interest in daily activities.  No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You've lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
• Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
• Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
• Irritability or restlessness. Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
• Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
• Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
• Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
• Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

Depression and suicide

Depression is a major risk factor for suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to escape the pain. Thoughts of death or suicide are a serious symptom of depression, so take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously. It's not just a warning sign that the person is thinking about suicide: it's a cry for help.

Warning signs of suicide include:

• Talking about killing or harming one's self
• Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped
• An unusual preoccupation with death or dying
• Acting recklessly, as if they have a death wish (e.g. speeding through red lights)

• Calling or visiting people to say goodbye
• Getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends)
• Saying things like "Everyone would be better off without me" or "I want out."
• A sudden switch from being extremely depressed to acting calm and happy.

If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, express your concern and seek professional help immediately. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life.

The faces of depression

Depression often looks different in men and women, and in young people and older adults. An awareness of these differences helps ensure that the problem is recognized and treated.

Depression in teens

While some depressed teens appear sad, others do not. In fact, irritability—rather than depression—is frequently the predominant symptom in depressed adolescents and teens. A depressed teenager may be hostile, grumpy, or easily lose his or her temper. Unexplained aches and pains are also common symptoms of depression in young people.

Left untreated, teen depression can lead to problems at home and school, drug abuse, self-loathing—even irreversible tragedy such as homicidal violence or suicide. But with help, teenage depression is highly treatable.

Depression in older adults

The difficult changes that many older adults face—such as bereavement, loss of independence, and health problems—can lead to depression, especially in those without a strong support system. However, depression is not a normal part of aging. Older adults tend to complain more about the physical rather than the emotional signs and symptoms of depression, and so the problem often goes unrecognized. Depression in older adults is associated with poor health, a high mortality rate, and an increased risk of suicide, so diagnosis and treatment are extremely important.

Depression in men

Depression is a loaded word in our culture. Many associate it, however wrongly, with a sign of weakness and excessive emotion. This is especially true with men. Depressed men are less likely than women to acknowledge feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness. Instead, they tend to complain about fatigue, irritability, sleep problems, and loss of interest in work and hobbies. Other signs and symptoms of depression in men include anger, aggression, violence, reckless behavior, and substance abuse. Even though depression rates for women are twice as high as those in men, men are a higher suicide risk, especially older men.

Depression in women

Rates of depression in women are twice as high as they are in men. This is due in part to hormonal factors, particularly when it comes to premenstrual syndrome (PMS), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), postpartum depression, and perimenopausal depression. As for signs and symptoms, women are more likely than men to experience pronounced feelings of guilt, sleep excessively, overeat, and gain weight. Women are also more likely to suffer from seasonal affective disorder.

Types of depression

Depression comes in many shapes and forms. The different types of depression have unique symptoms, causes, and effects. Knowing what type of depression you have can help you manage your symptoms and get the most effective treatment.

Major depression

Major depression is characterized by the inability to enjoy life and experience pleasure. The symptoms are constant, ranging from moderate to severe. Left untreated, major depression typically lasts for about six months. Some people experience just a single depressive episode in their lifetime, but more commonly, major depression is a recurring disorder. However, there are many things you can do to support your mood and reduce the risk of recurrence.

Atypical Depression

Atypical depression is a common subtype of major depression. It features a specific symptom pattern, including a temporary mood lift in response to positive events. You may feel better after receiving good news or while out with friends. However, this boost in mood is fleeting. Other symptoms of atypical depression include weight gain, increased appetite, sleeping excessively, a heavy feeling in the arms and legs, and sensitivity to rejection. Atypical depression responds better to some therapies and medications than others, so identifying this subtype can be particularly helpful.

Dysthymia (recurrent, mild depression)

Dysthmia is a type of chronic "low-grade" depression. More days than not, you feel mildly or moderately depressed, although you may have brief periods of normal mood. The symptoms of dysthymia are not as strong as the symptoms of major depression, but they last a long time (at least two years). These chronic symptoms make it very difficult to live life to the fullest or to remember better times. Some people also experience major depressive episodes on top of dysthymia, a condition known as "double depression." If you suffer from dysthymia, you may feel like you've always been depressed. Or you may think that your continuous low mood is "just the way you are." However, dysthymia can be treated, even if your symptoms have gone unrecognized or untreated for years.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

There's a reason why so many movies and books portray rainy days and stormy weather as gloomy. Some people get depressed in the fall or winter, when overcast days are frequent and sunlight is limited. This type of depression is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Seasonal affective disorder is more common in northern climates and in younger people. Like depression, seasonal affective disorder is treatable. Light therapy, a treatment that involves exposure to bright artificial light, often helps relieve symptoms.

Bipolar Disorder: When Depression is Just One Side of the Coin

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is characterized by cycling mood changes. Episodes of depression alternate with manic episodes, which can include impulsive behavior, hyperactivity, rapid speech, and little to no sleep. Typically, the switch from one mood extreme to the other is gradual, with each manic or depressive episode lasting for at least several weeks. When depressed, a person with bipolar disorder exhibits the usual symptoms of major depression. However, the treatments for bipolar depression are very different. In fact, antidepressants can make bipolar depression worse.

Depression causes and risk factors

Some illnesses have a specific medical cause, making treatment straightforward. If you have diabetes, you take insulin. If you have appendicitis, you have surgery. But depression is more complicated. Depression is not just the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, and is not simply cured with medication. Experts believe that depression is caused by a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. In other words, your lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills matter just as much—if not more so—than genetics. However, certain risk factors make you more vulnerable to depression.

Causes and risk factors for depression

• Loneliness
• Lack of social support
• Recent stressful life experiences
• Family history of depression
• Marital or relationship problems

• Financial strain
• Early childhood trauma or abuse
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Unemployment or underemployment
• Health problems or chronic pain

The cause of your depression helps determine the treatment

Understanding the underlying cause of your depression may help you overcome the problem. For example, if you are depressed because of a dead end job, the best treatment might be finding a more satisfying career, not taking an antidepressant. If you are new to an area and feeling lonely and sad, finding new friends at work or through a hobby will probably give you more of a mood boost than going to therapy. In such cases, the depression is remedied by changing the situation.

The road to depression recovery

Just as the symptoms and causes of depression are different in different people, so are the ways to feel better. What works for one person might not work for another, and no one treatment is appropriate in all cases. If you recognize the signs of depression in yourself or a loved one, take some time to explore the many treatment options. In most cases, the best approach involves a combination of social support, lifestyle changes, emotional skills building, and professional help.

Ask for help and support

If even the thought of tackling your depression seems overwhelming, don't panic. Feeling helpless and hopeless is a symptom of depression—not the reality of your situation. It does not mean that you're weak or you can't change! The key to depression recovery is to start small and ask for help. Having a strong support system in place will speed your recovery. Isolation fuels depression, so reach out to others, even when you feel like being alone. Let your family and friends know what you're going through and how they can support you.

Make healthy lifestyle changes

Lifestyle changes are not always easy to make, but they can have a big impact on depression. Lifestyle changes that can be very effective include:

• Cultivating supportive relationships
• Getting regular exercise and sleep
• Eating healthfully to naturally boost mood
• Managing stress
• Practicing relaxation techniques
• Challenging negative thought patterns

Build emotional skills

Many people lack the skills needed to manage stress and balance emotions. Building emotional skills can give you the ability to cope and bounce back from adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words, learning how to recognize and express your emotions can make you more resilient.

Seek professional help

If support from family and friends, positive lifestyle changes, and emotional skills building aren't enough, seek help from a mental health professional. There are many effective treatments for depression, including therapy, medication, and alternative treatments. Learning about your options will help you decide what measures are most likely to work best for your particular situation and needs.

Effective treatment for depression often includes some form of therapy. Therapy gives you tools to treat depression from a variety of angles. Also, what you learn in therapy gives you skills and insight to prevent depression from coming back.

Some types of therapy teach you practical techniques on how to reframe negative thinking and employ behavioral skills in combating depression. Therapy can also help you work through the root of your depression, helping you understand why you feel a certain way, what your triggers are for depression, and what you can do to stay healthy.